Archive for April, 2012

It’s come down to this.  I know no other way to live than this.  I can’t find any other method than to stay in His presence, to give up all that I have, all I am, all I want and to constantly seek and search after Him.

I feel somewhat like Solomon in Ecclesiastes.  I’ve lived with a lot.  I’ve lived with a little. I have lived trying to please myself, to excel at work, to serve my family.  In all these ways, I’m not content.  I’m not finding what I want, I’m not finding the joy and peace in my life.  There’s only one way I’ve found that I can live, only one way I’ve found to live, and that’s to whole-heartedly give it to Jesus, to follow God and to seek His presence constantly.  To strive, yearn and pull for it.  To praise His name.  To throw away all the things I want, and to do whatever it takes, spend whatever time is needed, to live with a broken spirit, just to be near Him and to know His love.  As soon as I step away, as soon as I pull anything else in, I start falling away, and I just can’t handle that.

It’s only in Him, in that complete surrender that I feel alive.


The session I listened to this morning was on renewing the mind.  You of course get this from Romans 12, don’t be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Paul’s was saying this is how we’re transformed.  Neville says that you must first renew your mind to open yourself up to the spirit.  That’s the conduit between the spirit and the body.  I don’t believe he was actually talking about the act of renewing of your mind in this session, but more about how important it is.

I’ve been on a similar topic with the Lord lately.  The last two times I’ve waited, I’ve just got a sense of how much of the world that seems to come out in my reactions.  I’ve put so much of the thinking of this world into my head, I’m acting like it, I’m not acting like a renewed Christian who has God on his side.  I get frustrated easy, discouraged, side-tracked, sad, hesitant.  All things I would not expect from someone abiding in Jesus.  So I’ve been looking at this knowing I need to clean up my soul some.  I need to stand upon all these things I already know.  It’s not like I don’t know I shouldn’t get frustrated with my family.  Same for many of these other things.  I let my emotions or other thoughts lead the way, rather than the faith I have.

As I’ve said in the past, so much of our walk in done by a simple faith.  We know so many of the things we should do, we just don’t do them.  It’s time for me to start choosing correctly.  To stop letting little things get control and stand upon the faith I have.  If I’m to renew my mind, I must start winning the fights, not losing so often.

So, I’ve passed the 3 month mark.  Overall this last month hasn’t gone as well.  I’ve struggled making it every day to finding my time.  But I haven’t given up.  I can’t.  I need more.  We need more.

Right now I find myself sort of juggling between 3 things.  The book, intercession, and waiting.  I’ve changed my morning time into bible study and intercession.  I shoot for my time to wait either at lunch ( like I’m about to head to now ) or later in the day after my daughter goes down.

Personally I haven’t seen much new.  I actually feel like my focus has somewhat dropped off as I wait.  I try to clear my mind, but there’s so much clutter.  So much else that pops up.  Also I try to fall asleep.  I think like a previous post, I’m going to just focus upon my attention for the near future.  I want to see how long I can make it with just Jesus on my mind.  To train my mind to shut down any other thoughts that come up during this time.   This doesn’t allow me to full relax and be open, but I think this discipline will be necessary to keep all the other distractions out.

I have over this period noticed that I’m more willing for change, to try and fix some things.  I respond faster.  I also seem to be under attack a little more.  It’s hard to tell since I don’t track anything like that.

I also need to work on my hunger.  I’m willing to feed myself from many other areas, but this is the one I really want.  It’s in my spirit, I just need to somehow increase this hunger in my soul.

These are the 3 things that Neville said were the keys to pushing through.  He had an experience with the Lord where He had this amazing time walking with Him and discussing the world.  At the end he asked why this happened, and Jesus told him these three things.

1. Hunger

2. Determination

3. Single-mindedness

Hunger can push us to do whatever is necessary.  If you get hungry enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to get some food.  Similarly, if you’re hungry enough for more of God, you’ll be willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to find Him.

Determination keeps you on course.  Finding your way into the Kingdom is not a quick process.  God must prepare you, work things out.  You need the time to get ready and to prove you really want this.  We’re not talking days or weeks, but months or maybe even  years.  Determination will push through those periods where nothing seems to be happening and the enemy tries to convince you this is pointless and to stop.  Stick it out.

Single-mindedness.  This is the one I can’t describe as well as to why it’s necessary, but basically you need to be singularly focused upon this.  That all your energy is focused upon this.  You must learn to set your mind upon the Lord, and to not be distracted away from what you desire.

These are the three things that will push you through.