Archive for August, 2013


Now’s the time…

Man, I wish my brain could even hold part of it.  I’ve been listening through the messages from the Prophetic conference in Lancaster.  It’s… well.. crazy.  The prophets are starting to get specific, about what’s coming, about when, things like that.  Neville’s messages specifically just spurred me on.  It’s sort of a mix between being totally motivated, and being scared of what’s coming.  I’m only scared because I’m self-centered though.  God’s going to move in a big way, and soon.

We need to be ready.  And I’m not talking like store up food ready, I’m talking on our face, making ourselves holy ready.  I’m worried that there’s not enough time left for me.  I want that face-to-face relationship with the Lord like Moses, Enoch, the apostles, and so many others.  I want to know Him.  That is the safe place. 

This last message has stirred me up, its  about earth being like a school.  God brings trials as lessons, if we pass, we move on to the next, if we don’t, we have to take it over.  The whole point is to make us ready for what’s to come.  Earth is our only shot.  After that it’s set.  So God created this world as a place for us to become what he wants, to be ready to work with Him.   And the trials will come faster, everything is being accelerated.  I feel like I can see that in my life.  I’m almost constantly on edge from something or the other.  Mostly with me is emotional type things, putting up with issues, people, etc.  Not so much a persecution, but man, I’ve had a lot of stuff coming up lately.  Now that I hear ths, I think it’s God giving me a chance to be catching up. 

I’ll give more as time goes on, once I get a chance to go back ove

 

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Not that good

So maybe the Lord decided there was some pride in that last message, or I’m just obviously not as good as I think.  Either way, I barely made it up at 6:00 this morning.  Completely missed all my times I say I’m shooting for, so obviously I’m not so consistent yet.  Just wanted to get that out.

Little things

Ok, so i hesitate in writing some of these things as updates, because in no way do I ever want to be like, look how great I am, cause I am not.  In fact, anything I ever pull off is so pale in comparison to others I’ve heard of, much less the Lord.  But still, I don’t want to come across that way, and it concerns me.  Yet I want to put things down for others to just see the kind of stuff I’ve done, whether good or bad.

Having said all that mess, there’s two things that have encouraged me lately.

First is my morning time.  Before all this, I tended to get up around 6am, leave for work around 7am.  Takes me about 30 minutes to get ready, a little simple math later and you get that I was having about a 30 minute quiet time.  And I guess that was enough then, no way that’s enough now.  I started moving things forward slowly, 5:45 or so for a long time, until I started listening to Sadhu, and then I got crazy.  Lately I’ve pulling off somewhat regularly 5am.  That means an hour and a half for a morning time.  Yet, it’s still not enough.  I still feel like I’m rushing things.  I say this to point out how far I’ve come.  Between praising the Lord, prayer, waiting, and Bible, I can burn up an hour and a half easily.  Again, I’m not trying to be like look at me, cause that’s not a big deal, except in reference to where I’ve been.  But like I say, I want more.  If I can pull off 4:30am(which I have done sometimes), then I feel good about that time frame.

Second happened a couple mornings ago.  Basically I did my normal time, but things didn’t go well. I felt so off the whole time.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but it’s like when you and your spouse had a little argument, then you try to do conversation after it.  I just felt like nothing was coming from it.  So later that day I was thinking about it and lifting that up to the Lord asking what happened, and I was brought back to the night before.  I had gotten frustrated with my wife.  There wasn’t any yelling, not even really an argument, just so off-hand words said in a bad way, but enough that it upset her some.  Even more, the fact that I did it and knew better.  I realized that I had never asked the Lord for forgiveness about that.  I’ve been really trying to clean up my attitude among so many other things and I have been trying to make sure an effort to do right, that I failed here, and then I guess pretended like I didn’t.   I found it interesting that what used to be a smaller bad thing seemed to affect me more.  I wonder if that’s a side-effect of trying to live a life with more holiness.  The more open and close you try to get with the Lord, the quicker you notice things that get in the way.

Sigh, should’ve known better.  But seriously, I am serious about this all.  So I come before the Lord a week or so back(after the last post about Commitment, I sat on that a while), and bring up my life before Him and ask Him to reveal to me what is holding me back from Him.  What keeps me from hearing him and seeing Him.

Nothing immediate, I could come up with the usual stuff, but then over the next few days, it just started coming.  I’ll just list out some stuff off the top of my head.  I really should write this stuff down as I go cause I forget stuff and he’ll have to remind me later.

  • Previous Commitment, more personal, don’t want to go into that
  • Lust of the eyes – I’m not overly bad here, but guys know how easy it is to glance back.  Something I have been fighting with for a while, this became my next commitment/consecration.  I’ll speak more of that another time probably.
  • Pride – I just don’t know how to get a handle on this.  It’s not just in looking at sin, but become totally dependent upon Him.  This is engrained pretty deeply in me.
  • Family – I’ve made my family an idol.  Not only do I sometimes put them before God, but I’m also not making them part of my spiritual life.  We’re not praying and studying together as we should.  Gonna have to fix that.
  • Attitude – Man, I let my attitudes control me too much.  I’m a fairly patient, easy going guy, and yet I can get discouraged, offended, and angry like everyone else.  And when that happens, I’m letting the enemy do his thing.
  • Thought life – Needs to go through the filter.  Whatever is pure, whatever is right…  I let my thoughts wander, I day-dream, I don’t focus, etc.

So, I think there’s more, but that’s just what I have right now off the top of my head.  The Lord has a lot of work to do, but He also has a lot of grace.

I think this is partially an outgrowth from Hebrews 12

“Therefore, since have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us throw aside every hindrance and the sin which so easily entangles”

Sometimes we have entanglements that can turn into sin easily, as many things can.  Once they grow to start taking time from the Lord, it can turn into a sin.  So I’m noticing areas of my life where these hindrances, are… well… hindrances.  It’s just that at this point in my life, I finally care enough to really do something.  Many of them I’ll take time to make them better, only to have them surface again.

So now I have made a commitment.  Every since I’ve heard both Neville and Sadhu speak about the angels that come to take down your commitments to the Lord in a book, I have been very hesitant.  It’s easy to act like God isn’t really a person, and to go back on our commitments just like we do new years resolutions, but I’m actually afraid of that now.  I have been sort of terrified of making any commitments to the Lord, knowing that I will most likely not keep them, and I can’t stand to let Him down in that way.  I’m actually sort of fearful that in letting Him down, I may shut a door I can’t get back in.

So a couple days ago, I made a commitment.  And I plan to keep it.  And it’ll be a long time.  Hope I’m not being too dumb, but I feel a need to start making drastic decisions.  It may be that I cut something out of my life that isn’t necessary to cut off, and I could feel like I miss out on stuff later, but really, Jesus is worth more than it all.  And I’m already married so I at least don’t have to worry about celibacy. 🙂

So the last week I have been starting many of my prayers with “You are God, and I am not”.  I’ve been thinking of the verse which says those who want please God must believe that He is, and that He rewards those who seek Him.  That first part I’m realizing has much more to it.  Just believing that He is means I acknowledge that He’s God doesn’t really make sense.  Know that He is God, is knowing that He created me, that He put a destiny before me, that I live only out of grace from Him.  That each moment is my chance to show Him my love.  To know Him as God is to know that I am His, all His.

You see, I’ve been trying to work on my pride, there’s a lot of it.  Some obvious, but much of it is very sneaky.  So I’m trying to just acknowledge that He is God and realize how much everything must change just to acknowledge those few words.

Sorry for the big setup.  So I’m walking into work today.  I think for some reason a long walk into work my mind must just be clear for me to chat with God.  So I’m thinking a little on this and these words pop into my head.  “If I am God, then I AM GOD.”  It started just sounding like my normal thoughts, then the last part got loud.  How does a thought get loud, I’m not sure.  Not only was it loud, it was authoritative.  After hearing more of these preachers, I imagine the first part is like the Holy Spirit talking, but that last part is the Father.  The authority that would come from Him.  I figure that’s all I can handle, a loud thought.  But it shook me up.  It’s as if God was saying, “Hey, if I’m God, then you better understand that I really am God, and that means all else should fall away in light of that.  Your life is in my hands.  Your deeds are nothing compared to me.  If you say I am God, then I am everything.”

How do you react.  I’ve actualy wanted to just sit in his presence and meditate on that for a while and haven’t had the chance.  Busy day.  Guess that was probably a bad choice.  You make the chance for things like that.  But even now, I can think back through the words and I shudder.  Like i can still feel the effect of it all.

I fear that I have barely made progress on really making Him Lord of everything.  I am so much farther than I was even 6 months ago, yet, here I am.