Ok, so i hesitate in writing some of these things as updates, because in no way do I ever want to be like, look how great I am, cause I am not.  In fact, anything I ever pull off is so pale in comparison to others I’ve heard of, much less the Lord.  But still, I don’t want to come across that way, and it concerns me.  Yet I want to put things down for others to just see the kind of stuff I’ve done, whether good or bad.

Having said all that mess, there’s two things that have encouraged me lately.

First is my morning time.  Before all this, I tended to get up around 6am, leave for work around 7am.  Takes me about 30 minutes to get ready, a little simple math later and you get that I was having about a 30 minute quiet time.  And I guess that was enough then, no way that’s enough now.  I started moving things forward slowly, 5:45 or so for a long time, until I started listening to Sadhu, and then I got crazy.  Lately I’ve pulling off somewhat regularly 5am.  That means an hour and a half for a morning time.  Yet, it’s still not enough.  I still feel like I’m rushing things.  I say this to point out how far I’ve come.  Between praising the Lord, prayer, waiting, and Bible, I can burn up an hour and a half easily.  Again, I’m not trying to be like look at me, cause that’s not a big deal, except in reference to where I’ve been.  But like I say, I want more.  If I can pull off 4:30am(which I have done sometimes), then I feel good about that time frame.

Second happened a couple mornings ago.  Basically I did my normal time, but things didn’t go well. I felt so off the whole time.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but it’s like when you and your spouse had a little argument, then you try to do conversation after it.  I just felt like nothing was coming from it.  So later that day I was thinking about it and lifting that up to the Lord asking what happened, and I was brought back to the night before.  I had gotten frustrated with my wife.  There wasn’t any yelling, not even really an argument, just so off-hand words said in a bad way, but enough that it upset her some.  Even more, the fact that I did it and knew better.  I realized that I had never asked the Lord for forgiveness about that.  I’ve been really trying to clean up my attitude among so many other things and I have been trying to make sure an effort to do right, that I failed here, and then I guess pretended like I didn’t.   I found it interesting that what used to be a smaller bad thing seemed to affect me more.  I wonder if that’s a side-effect of trying to live a life with more holiness.  The more open and close you try to get with the Lord, the quicker you notice things that get in the way.

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