Sorry for going quiet a while.  There’s been a number of things going on and I’m not even sure what all to say has happened.  I’ve been very busy with work for a little bit.  I also had a week or so of going off track, losing my focus.  Then I started to listen to something completely new, but it’s long.  Family stuff going on as well I’m sure.  Basically it’s been a little crazy all around.

But I’m still here.  And I still want to see my Lord. I’ll give an update like I did before.

Consistency

Been having a better consistency the last 2 weeks or so.  I think I’ve just been trying to much in the morning.  As much as I feel like Sadhu’s teachings are right, I can’t seem to find the strangth from waiting on the Lord, so when I get up too early, it leads me to sleeping in too long and losing the energy.  So the last week I pushed back the time.  It’s not giving me as much time in the morning, but if I can make it consistent, then I’ll push ahead.

Waiting upon the Lord

This is a tough one.  Some days I feel like there’s nothing.  Other days I seem to hit a point of not thinking, but that could also be called sleep. =)  I’ll have occasional times like this morning where I have very faint things happen.  I start to see things with my imagination.  Very fuzzy, very unclear.  When I try to focus I lose it.  And this morning I also heard wings beating.  It made me think of Sadhu when he had the first experience of soaring like an eagle.  I had not been thinking that at all recently, so I don’t think I just came up with that.  I haven’t been able to take as much time in the morning, I’m averaging 15-20 minutes, and I’d rather do more, but then again, I can’t stay focused past that, so maybe it’s best I just keep working up as possible.

Presence

Strange thing is I’ve felt off lately. I don’t feel His presence as much.  I believe I’m still on a good track and doing a lot of good things, but I think it comes to keeping my heart in the right place during the day.  I have focused much more on praying in tongues and meditating on His word.  I was given a new person to listen to, Peter Tan.  He spoke about how he started spending 6-8 hours a day meditating on God’s word ( actually speaking it aloud while reading ), and it brought him to a new level in this walk.  This person who led me to this also spoke about how many of those guys have found that after a period like this of praying in tongues, they went to a different level.  So I’ve been spending more time meditating and praying in tongues.  My thought was to spend as much of my time as possible(while working, driving, doing chores, etc) speaking in tongues, and any time I get free to meditate on certain scriptures.  I’ll talk more about this later.  So far nothing big, but I will always hope.  That’s what I do.

Hearing the Lord

Nothing big here.  I have had little bits from prayer times or other times of normal revelation, but nothing on a new level yet.

Waiting to renew your strength

Already spoke about this.  I still am getting up early, probably averaging about 5-5.5 hours of sleep.  Normally I would need 6.

Bond-Servant

Continuing to do better.  I feel more like I’m willing to give things up.  Stuff that at first scared me now seems like things I can do.  I still have too much I want, too much I give in to, but progress is the name of my game.

Holiness

Progress and not progress.  I had a period where I feel back into one of my more habitual sins.  Short period, but still, very frustrating.  Since then I’m renewed some commitments with the Lord, and I repeat them to myself every morning.  I hope to start each morning in humility before the Lord, renewing these vows, constantly reminding myself I can’t do it.  The biggest danger for me is when I get caught up in something else and it drives itself between me and God.  Work, books, shows, etc.  Anything that will keep me from spending my spare time focused upon the Lord will get me off and leave me open to stupid.

My beloved

I guess I should just call this my love for Jesus.  I listened to a series from Sadhu about loving Jesus.  That helped.  He had a section about just declaring your love, saying the names of God, stuff that we know, but somehow it hit me deep.  Also, I’m trying to contemplate on the cross more.  To see the love He had for us to walk that path.  I haven’t felt as much love as I have in the past, but it’s strong than it was a year ago.

Not much else to say.  I keep hoping I have something big to talk about.  I guess I did have a dream I should go into.  Maybe I’ll post that soon.  It was a weird dream, I believe it to be from the Lord, but it also had a lot of marks of my consciousness in it.  Not a dream like an angel coming to talk to me, but still something that drew me closer to Jesus, and that’s very unusual for me.