Archive for October, 2014


I’ve found that God seems to sometimes speak to me more not when I’m along and praying, but when I’m out and just internally dialoging with Him.  I’ve found that to be some of the closest times I have.  Where I’m driving, walking in to work, etc, and I’m just having a sort of internal dialog with Him.  I try to do this more, but I also like to think through lots of other things.  My mind is a bit too active.

So today I was headed into work when I had an interesting thing happen.  As I’m walking in from the parking lot I just happened to glance to my left and catch the sky.  It was breath taking actually.  I think if I were to pick my favorite color, it’s that burning orange color of the Sun as it lights up the sky in the morning and night sometimes.  I still don’t know what causes it to happen, but I love seeing the clouds looking almost on fire.  Today was one of the better ones I’ve seen and I nearly missed it.  So I just stopped for a second and asked,

“Lord, what are you trying to say?”

Basically I’m asking that to have created something so beautiful, what would God want to say to us from that.  Why is it there?  As I ask this I’m expecting either no response, or something like how He just wants us to see the love He lavishes on us that even something like the sunrise he can make so beautiful.  Imagine my surprise when I hear:

“Booya”

My immediate reaction is to laugh.  I’m like seriously, I think God just told me booya.  The feeling behind it had an impression like, “just showing you how awesome I am, nailed it!” kind of thing.  This is how the Lord talks to me sometimes.  I was laughing for about 15 minutes after that just saying “booya” to myself over and over.  Really.  Wow.

Guess the moral is to not be too serious about everything.  Or more importantly, just chat with God through the day, you never know what He might say.

This stemmed from a conversation I was having with the Lord.  Let me jump off track for just a second and say that I’m so jealous of those people who can say things like “The Lord told me this, and I respond ‘such and such’ and He came back and said ‘this or that'”.  I am jealous that they know the Lord’s voice so well that it’s not a question of if they heard, but if they follow.  Most Christians I know don’t know the Lord’s voice.  They hear something that sounds like their Conscious, or the Holy Spirit, or often a legalistic spirit telling them to do things.  They don’t have that closeness to identify His voice either.

I say all this to

  1. Let you know that I really want this and feel like it’s so very necessary
  2. Make sure you take my comments with a grain of salt

So it starts with the conversation.  I’ve continued to try and get up early to get more time with the Lord.  Nothing like Sadhu, but early enough I technically don’t get enough sleep. I  pull it off for a day or two then my body sort of crashes ( I’ve made it like 4 or 5 days maybe ).  End up late to work, etc.  I spend some of the time Waiting on the Lord, but I’m not refreshed and renewed.  So I was asking the Lord about it.  I told Him that I sort of feel like until I’m actually successful waiting, until I’m making that connection consistently, then I probably can’t receive the benefits.  But then I got smart and asked Him what is my problem here.  Why I seem a bit stuck.  Then I waited and focused on Him.

And I got an answer.  It’s funny, I could put words to some of it because my mind was doing one of it’s “I forget English” things, but I got the feeling/impression behind it.  Basically it’s like so much else, I can’t be entrusted with too much until I show consistency.  And it’s not a “I must be up at this exact time of day consistency”, but more like “I will put time aside for the Lord consistency”.  Every day I need to make the time, force it if need be, to pray, read, worship and wait.  That’s pretty much the basics I know.  I read Sadhu’s book “The Spirit Controlled Life”.  It has a lot of very interesting stories and nuggets of truth, but when you come down to the way to grow in the Spirit, it falls back to these same basic principles.  The same things we’ve know for much of our christian lives we just don’t hold them that close.

I will do them well for a while, then get busy, sleepy, etc, and miss my quiet time in the morning.  Then is where I think one of my current problems comes in.  Is walking with God more important than the rest of my life.  Will I step aside from my work to spend a little time in prayer.  Will I interrupt family time for my God time.  What happens now is I have good motives, that are just not good enough.  I will work hard, or care for my family, and come back to God when I have a chance.  It makes sense at the time, until you look back.

So I felt the Lord was telling me, be consistent in the basics.  When your consistent there, I can open up more to you.

So since I’m on this kick of not moving back, not stalling, I need to make this work, to make this happen. I need the Lord.

Speaking of which, it’s late, better get to bed cause I plan on getting up early tomorrow.

I’ve been building up to this.  The discontentment and has continued to grow.  I typically go in waves, but each wave I’m more convinced it’s there, and more discontent with where I’m at.  I think the message I spoke of in my last post finally pushed me over.

When it comes down to it, I don’t know any other way than to give it all.  The core of this all is that message by Sadhu about seeking God, about never being content.  It started actually with the Ephesian prayers from Kenneth Hagin, and moved on to seeking God for more.  As Sadhu says, “Earnestly praying”.  Taking every free moment, and rather than relaxing, rather than thinking of other things, stepping aside to cry out to God, to find a quiet place and ask, seek, knock.  To seek for God’s gifts until you find them.  It really ties in directly with Neville’s teaching, that the three core things are “hunger, determination, single-mindedness”.

I hope I can articulate this in a way you’ll understand.  I see what these people walk in, and realize that I could do that too.  If I have the time that is, I can do that.  It’s not that they are special people ( though they are definitely fore-runners), but that they were willing to endure, to pay the price, to seek for things others wouldn’t.  I see that I cannot continue to do this Christian life in the pretend manner our churches often do it.  We say these words, but we walk by our knowledge, by our wisdom, not by God’s hand.  More and more I understand the verse that certain people was “having a form of godliness but denying its power.”  I see my life and the life of those who really walk with God and realize there’s no other way to go.  In fact, I believe this is the only sure way of protection in the days coming soon.

So where does that leave me?  That when I have a spare moment, rather than looking to digg and reddit because I’m bored, I stop and cry out to the Lord to open my eye.  Rather than pulling up facebook to see whats going on, I get quiet and and listen for the Lord.  Rather than sitting every night to watch TV, I first come to the Lord.  He must be first in all my time.

By His grace(cause that’s the only way this could happen), I’ve been very narrowly overcoming some of my worst habitual sins.  It sort of just started happening and I went with it.  I knew it was God’s grace that even enabled it, so I knew I could keep it up as long as I trusted Him.  This has led me for once walking in a “manner” of holiness.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked as the rest of us.  I am full of corruption and sin, yet I am actually moving forward. The Lord has brought one thing, then another, and I’ve begun to walk in them.

How?  Because of my goal.  I know that to walk with Him I must be holy.  To walk with Him I must put that one desire, that one goal above all else.  I am crucifying my flesh, so that my spirit can live.  When I have a good opportunity, I fast a meal or two and pray.  I am dedicated to waking at a given time each morning (no matter the fatigue) because I must have that time with God.  I must meditate on the word, wait on Him, intercede for others, pray in the spirit, and worship(wrong order, but you get the picture).

It’s taxing emotionally.  Cause when I cry to the Lord, I really almost cry(sometimes I do) because I put my heart into it.  What’s the point if I don’t mean it?  I cry that I know I can’t live like this anymore, I must “know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and the surpassing greatness of His power toward those who believe.”  How can I be a witness to what I have only experienced through “faith”.  How can I really describe the goodness of a God I haven’t seen?

I would love to just take off and spend days in prayer ( I probably need some of this ), but I have a job, a family, and child that I can’t just leave.  If it wasn’t for the family to support, I’d be very tempted on the job.  I have friends that I encourage and stand with, that is important as well, small group, bible study, etc.  I feel that what I must do is to be even more faithful there while giving more and more to Him.  I expect it will slowly impact more and more of everything else as I focus more upon the Lord, but what price can you put on seeing the Lord, praying with Him, etc.  What price is there to knowing your family?

I have no idea how to sustain this.  I can only hope that God’s grace will continue to flow if I am faithful.  I do find that I can turn almost any situation back around to something like peace now.  I was very frustrated (reasons aren’t important) about something while out with family, as I’m driving home I’m stewing ( silently to my credit ) and being bitter, up to the point I come back to this.  That my one goal is to be with the Lord.  At this point I let it all god, let the bitterness and frustration seep out, and replace them with my deep desire to see God.  Suddenly I’m focused again, ready to go.

Hunger – It’s my main goal, that will preempt anything as necessary to seek the Lord
Determination – I will not give up, I will persist until I am through
Single-Mindedness – My every action now is centered around this.  I am patient with my family because that is what Jesus is like.  I am crucifying my flesh, because I know it is in the way.  I give up on my grudges, because they are no longer worth the energy.

Wow, that was a dump, but it’s refreshing to let it out.

I believe I’ve posted something similar to this before from another message but I need to put this in, because I’ll do a 2nd post that very directly relates to this, but I want to split them up.

I listened to Sadhu talk in “The Mysteries of the Kingdom” conference that just happened up in spokane a couple months back.  HIs very first message he went into a sort of history of his, very fascinating.  How God called Him to salvation, his father especially turned against Him very severely, so he would actually sneak out to the church.  He began in a church with pretty incorrect doctrines, so that had him confused.  He next went to a church that was very charismatic, which was such a drastic change he had trouble accepting that.  He heard about the baptism of the spirit but didn’t know what to believe.  So being himself, the dogged I am going to figure this out, he started reading the gospel(and I assume some of new testament) over and over until he finally was fully convinced in the baptism of the spirit, at which point he began to pray earnestly for that.  Keep in mind that last phrase, “pray earnestly”.  And it came and he described that experience.

Somewhere in this period, God called him to the ministry.

After this he began to desire something deeper, and ran across the Kenneth Hagin book where he talked about praying the Ephesians prayers about the eyes of our understanding.  He picked that up and began to pray that.  As best I can tell, this period took him over 6 months, I know that’s not important, it will obviously change, but interesting to note for him.  Anyway, he began to pray earnestly, when he had a chance, he would step aside and pray those prayers.  He would push and push.  At some point he was given a word that it would come after XXX days.  He kept praying until he got the breakthrough and he was shown a vision of Jesus on the cross that lasted for about 20 minutes.  From this point on he says his Spritiual Eyes were opened.  I don’t exactly know what all that means, but there it is.

I don’t know exact timeframe, but from another message, I know he began waiting on God, I think it might have been before this.  When he was able to wait perfectly still for like 30 minutes or so, Jesus talked to him.  He knew it was Jesus because of the sound of his voice, like many waters, with music, etc.  Same as John described in Revelation.  He told him about his ministry.

After His eyes were opened, he wanted more.   He wasn’t content, so next he wanted more. I think there was one stage in between, but then he wanted to see Jesus.  So he kept earnestly praying, fasting, believing.  Then one day Jesus walked in and prayed with Him.  From that point on he says he sees Jesus.  Again, that was not enough, so he prayed to walk in the heavenlies.  That came.  Then he prayed for something(he didn’t elaborate), went through a period of focused prayer, and began to see saints in heaven, and to have them come and talk with him, teaching him about the word.

At each point, he reached for more.  He was continue to strive, to pray earnestly and often, to fast, to seek, knock and ask for something else.  There’s always another level.

This is what we don’t do.  It’s not important to us, partially because we don’t know it’s available, partially because we’re content with what we have.  If we wanted more, I believe God will send something our way that shows us a glimpse of it. That’s how Sadhu worked.  Early on different people would come through and show how there was more.  People, books, etc.