I’m tired.

Not physically, I’ve been getting more rest.  Not emotionally, we had some crazy stuff going on but that’s sort of settled.  Even not overly stressed.

No, I’m tired of being overcome.

I’m tired of falling into traps, of getting distracted off the course.  I’m tired of living Romans 7.

Obviously I’ve gotten off course for a while, that’s part of why I was quiet for a bit.  The other part is that I started writing again on a different project, so it kept me from writing here.

So the question I have for myself, is how serious I am about hearing from God.  Obviously my goal through this quest has been for much more, but perhaps I need to take steps.  If I can’t reliably hear from the Lord, why should I expect to see Him.  Oh, I’m sure He can do what He wants, but it seems like a very logical step.  From Sadhu’s journey his first big experience was hearing the Lord audibly speak, later He had visions, then seeing the Lord. I think it’s time to overcome.

And there’s a lot to overcome, but only one way to get there, to just do it.

I must prize His Word above all else.  I’ve been impressed with a number of these scriptures lately.

  • First by reading through Psalm 119.  David loved God’s statutes, His laws, His Word.  He esteemed them above all our treasures
  • Job 23:12 – Job says he loves God’s Word more than His food.  I’ve spoken of fasting before, but this is different.  When’s the last time I put aside my lunch because I was so excited to just sit and read the word?
  • Jeremiah 15:16 – When they found the law of God in the ruins of the temple, Jeremiah was so excited he said “Your words were found and I ate them”.

I have too many other desires and pleasures.  Too many other things I like that war with my true purpose.  Things must  change.  I remember Neville talking about this journey and how you really have to plan it out.  You have to purpose to make time, to make sure you will spend that time with the Lord.  I have done a bad job of that of late.

But God is gracious and compassionate.  Perhaps I may still find favor with Him.