Archive for December, 2016


Something that’s been on my mind about myself lately and thought I’d just write it out.  You can hear God.  Seriously.  Not the “I feel like God may be opening this door to take this new job”, but hearing the words of God in your heart.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me” – John 10:27

It’s right there.  The sheep are those that follow Jesus, and the sheep hear His voice.  You can hear God.

But I don’t hear Him.  I thought the same thing for a while.  These last couple years that I’ve been up and down a lot and basically waffling on how much I really hear him.  I like how Bobby Conner said ( I think it was him, might have been Andrew Womack ).  The Holy Spirit sounds like you.  From what I understand of Sadhu, if God or Jesus talk directly to you, you know.  But the Holy Spirit, He just sounds like a thought in your head.  Except it wasn’t from you.  The trick for me was recognizing this voice.

First lets stop and say, you can be “deaf”.  Think hardness of heart.  That comes by ignoring God.  If you feel this way, and you’ll probably have an idea as you felt God has been telling you something and you ignored it in the past, then repent and tell Him you’re ready to listen and obey.  That part is sort of key.

Getting past that though, we mainly don’t hear God because we won’t take the time to listen.  I can tell you this so much in my life.  When you say your 5 minute prayer, say Amen, then get on to your TV show, God can’t do much.  If you’re working too much, doing things with your family and barely sleeping(like I was doing) and not giving any time to God, then you’re in trouble.  Here’s a couple things I’ve found.

  1. You have to be quiet – Car rides, great, spend time just talking to God and letting your mind flow free.  Sadhu is big about Waiting on God and emptying your mind of all thought.  I often find that a quiet focused mind and letting it just wander works better for me.  I suspect the completely quiet mind leads to a clearer voice, I’ll let you know as I get better at that.  Today I dropped by a prayer room nearby.  I just sat, picked out a topic, spoke to the Lord about it, and then just slowly pondered in my head.  That led to the next, then the next.  I didn’t have a list, I didn’t have a timeframe.  Funny thing is, i got an idea for a cover of my book(hadn’t thought about that in a bit), more thoughts on intro, chapter for a different book I’ve thought about writing, validation on some things myself, some intercession.  I felt like I was in His presence.  Nothing big and heavy, just a light calm presence.  Then I looked down at my watch and over 45 minutes had just passed.  It felt like 10-15.  Let me tell you, a couple years ago, praying for 45 minutes would’ve been a chore, now it’s relaxing.  But!!!  It only works when I have the time and can completely separate myself.  Nothing I need to get to quickly, no other concerns on my mind, I have to completely set aside the time for God.  This is harder than you realize, but something you can figure out.
  2. Believe you hear Him – Like I mentioned, I go back and forth sometimes about what I think I hear from God, as I said, it sounds like my own thoughts.  So I’ve had a lot of things for this book I’m writing but I wouldn’t really even tell people, as I’m afraid it’s just me coming up with something silly.  Then I went to that meeting with the prophet nearby.  I thought again today about one fo the comments he made.  “You hear God clearly”.  I think God was trying to reinforce that I do hear Him.  I just need the have faith in what He’s saying and go with it.  Oh sure, I’ll get some wrong, but that’s why you measure the words you get.  I had just put too much on doubt.
  3. Recognize His voice – This is the hardest.  Time is all I can say.  Messages from the spiritual realm will typically be like spontaneous thought.  It can be on the topic you’re thinking about(harder to pick out), or something you didn’t even have in your mind.  Those are the easier ones to know.  Something you hadn’t specifically thought about pops into your head, there’s a good chance that’s from a spirit.  Now measure it.  Is it edifying.  What’s the emotion/feeling you get behind it.  That’s a strange thing to say, but you’ll begin to notice that over time.  A word has a feeling to it.  Does it glorify God or yourself.  Neville says put it through the filters.  “Whatever is pure, whatever is just….”(Phillipians 4:8)
  4. Imagine yourself with Jesus – You can go for God to, but put your imagination there.  Think of him sitting next to you, or in a garden. I actually have a specific “Garden” that I feel God often meets me at.  I can typically picture that and walk in, and find myself in His presence.
  5. Don’t stress about a schedule – Discipline is great, but I got so caught up on certain times for a quiet time, how much to worship, read, intercession, that I started not getting enough sleep, and I think just bothering God with my checklist rather than my heart.  If you have a scheduled quiet time every day, that is awesome, good job.  Make sure you find time to just sit with Him though.

The clearest I’ve been hearing God lately was:

  1. 1.5 hour car ride to a funeral by myself – I could just sit and worship, think about things, and basically just quietly contemplate the Lord.  I wasn’t headed to work, there was no other people around, and I purposed in my heart to just spend the time with God.  So I could turn off the music and just chat.
  2. Hour or so in the prayer room – Quiet music playing, no distractions.  I just sat on a couch and closed my eyes and didn’t worry about any time limit.

I’ve had to ease up on feeling shame.  My schedule has made it very hard to get a certain time of the day to find this sort of time.  First of all, who said I needed to have prayer, intercession, worship, praise, bible reading, meditation, etc all in one day at one time.  Right now I’m just trying to make God my joy, my first, and putting the time in I have.  So the last couple days I dropped out a bunch of things that were a complete waste of time and unfruitful.  I’ve tried to just start with things like family, work, writing, scriptural books, listening to pastors, Bible(of course), etc.  I try not to think on tv shows, movies, facebook, etc.   Why waste the time.  Think of it sort of like a fast.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

Ok, so let’s start with an initial review of the book.

Basically, I thought it was great.  So far I’ve listened to a lot from Sadhu Sundar Selvaray and Neville Johnson about topics like this.  I’m personally not as focused on seeing in the Spirit as just walking with God.  To do so, I need to see Him, I need to hear Him, I need to be in His presence.  So this topic sort of fits into the goal, but not as much that I may see as I may know Him.  That’s one thing I do know through this.  You do not pursue spiritual encounters, or gifts, or events.  You pursue God.  If in your pursuit you look for encounters, great.  If in your pursuit a gift will make you more useful, awesome.  But you pursue God.  “One thing I ask of the Lord, and this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.  To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple”.  ( Psalm somewhere )

So, what I found great about this book was having more practical examples of someone on the journey.  It’s great to hear about the experiences people have, that will motivate and push us on, but if those people cannot convey the path, it’s hard to follow.  Michael broke this down into a bit more practical pieces.  His examples on how he began to see in the Spirit were especially good, as he gave us some “on the way” moments.  He also gave a lot of good basics for the journey, things you need to avoid and watch for.  What I had hoped more for was his own journey.  I really love to hear about someone when they decided this is possible, the path they took, and how it happened.  I know we don’t follow the same path, but it’s like a lot of these guys gloss over the process, probably because it took a while and so many little steps and other things.  Who knows.  Still, it gave me a bit of new material and as always a bit more motivation to get going.

 I’ve pasted in all the sections I marked in the book below, it’s a bit, so read if you want.

 

Seems like everyone says “you are as close to god as you want to be”. Must be right on if pretty much everyone says so variation of it. And it’s true in my life I’m sure. If I wanted more in the past I would’ve tried harder and focused more. Instead I like things as they are.

Breaking through your soul to the spirit

By reading and studying and meditating on the Word of God, the Word breaks those ties between your spirit and soul.

The more you meditate on the Word, the greater the separation becomes and the more your spirit becomes unencumbered with the soul and the flesh. And at this point, actual spiritual veils that cover your eyes begin to be removed.
Practical comments about starting to see in the spirit. Spoke to me as I have some of these things happen, little things you want to dismiss even though you know it was there. This just helped give me confidence that something is happening. It’s a process

They were things that most people would dismiss as a “trick of the light”, or as “your eyes playing tricks on you”. (It is something you need to keep in mind from here forward.) There would be a small flash of light on my left, a movement of some sort on my right and various shifting colors in front of me that I couldn’t quite see clearly.

Always back to practicing the presence



We can focus our attention on natural things and be fully engaged spiritually. We do this by meditating on the Word, or by “Practicing the presence of God.” (Brother Lawrence 1614-1691)

And waiting on God. Again everyone speaks of that.

One of the things I heard early on from everyone who had any degree of spiritual sight, was, you have to “wait on the Lord.” As you wait on the Lord, you position yourself to receive from God.
is your mentor, you will not be spinning your wheels on this journey and wasting your time.

What i liked here was his version. He basically likes to pick nights times to wait, often staying. Up late or getting up in the night, not so much focused on every day.



We cannot and must not pursue the gifts as an end to themselves. No matter how good our reasons might be. Yes, I want to lay hands on the sick and see them healed. Yes I love to see and experience the miraculous things of God. And I love being in the spirit. And I love seeing angels. But all those things have to flow out of our relationship with Him.
It is crucial that you honor the little things, the little strides you make as you go along. You will then be in position to receive greater. As we begin to move into practical application, be very aware of every improvement, everything that your senses pick up helps you develop greater capacity.

Removing veils



What removes the veils? What puts all those holes and cuts and tears in them? Well, there is quite a list that is covered in an upcoming chapter but for starters I will tell you that it’s things like repentance, forgiveness, sanctification and warfare. It really isn’t difficult, it’s just hard. To remove the veils when we’ve spent years, allowing them to cover us through sin, doubt, ignorance and other things, takes a commitment of our time.

Random comment from Bob Jones that just stood out to me

I walked over to Bob and asked him, “How long do you have to wait for prophetic revelation?” And his answer to me was, “Until it comes.”

More focus on repentance. I know holiness is key to relationship, but he had some more practical things to say in this book.



The first thing about repentance is the obvious thing. If you have any sin in your life you have to repent. Turn and go the other way. Get extreme. Repent for yourself, your family, your household, and your ancestors. Leave no stone, as they say.
The Lord loves it when we repent. And He is not sitting off in the sky somewhere disinterested in our lives. He isn’t waiting to punish us when we get it wrong. He gave me a lesson in repentance I will never forget and I never felt one iota of condemnation from Him. He is a good God.

In addition to reading the word and in addition to praying and asking God to sanctify me, I ask the Lord for His holy fire to cleanse and sanctify me.
Personally, I minister deliverance to myself every day.
Prophetess Ana Mendez Ferrell has a book on iniquity that lays it all out as to what it is and how to deal with it. I highly recommend that you read it. It will change your life.
leave the other half undone. To give you an idea of the scope and thoroughness that I’m talking about, when I did this it took me three weeks of constantly asking the Holy Spirit to reveal areas of my life or acts that I needed to repent over. And to be completely honest, I don’t think I’m done yet. When you have done this, you then command all of the garbage, and all of the physical substance formed by iniquity to leave you in Jesus’ name. I prayed and commanded this for my spirit, soul and body. Be prepared to possibly be sick for a couple of days as this stuff leaves you. I personally wasn’t sick but I just kept spitting stuff up for a few days.
Practices to do



Engaging the Kingdom Revelation –Ask the Lord to give you the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation. Find a quiet time that you won’t be disturbed and spend some time with the Lord. I plan on at least forty-five minutes to an hour and a half. Repentance –I know it’s hard but ask the Lord to bring to mind every sin. Anything you could possibly repent for and do it. Do it just before you go to bed and then ask the Lord to give you further revelation about it as you sleep. Sanctification –Find a quiet place and a quiet time to do this. Sit very, very still in a comfortable chair and close your eyes and ask the Lord to sanctify you. At first ask aloud, but after a few minutes, ask in your mind and picture the lord pouring fire on your head every time you ask. Again, spend at least forty-five minutes doing this. I mentioned earlier that I spent two hours and the result is pure joy. Deliverance –Invest in a book such as “Pigs in the Parlor” by Frank Hammond, or another book that lists groupings of evil spirits. Read through the list and command anything that has invaded your life to leave in Jesus’ name. Even if this sounds distasteful to you, just do it at least once to cover all the bases, so to speak. Iniquity –Get Ana Mendez Ferrell’s book and follow the full instructions laid out for removing iniquity.
We already have it



All we are doing is enforcing a victory that Christ has already won for us. His authority and power are on display in our lives, not our own. As we speak His word, angelic armies are set in motion. The more your eyes open, the more you will see the reality of this. …The joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8: 10)
Do not strive for your spiritual sight. Know that the Lord wants you to see. Know that the Lord will not withhold any good thing from you. And do your warfare from that place of confidence in God that He has already won the victory. Do it with joy!

Focused prayer. I’ve been realizing this is important more lately and it’s always good to get some validation.

When you pray, try to be focused on what you are praying about. In general, that is a good rule. Specific to our journey, as you pray for your eyes to open, pray with your entire being. Pray with your voice, your desire, your soul, your consciousness and with your thoughts.

Praying for others

as we pray for others to get the blessings they need from the Lord, He also blesses us.
Pressing through in prayer is praying until you have a sense that something has been done. Something has been accomplished.

Forgot why I marked this, I think good verses to pray over your family



… As for me and my house we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24: 15) No weapon formed against us shall prosper…. (Isaiah 54: 17) He has given His angels charge over us… (Psalms 91: 11) Angels listen for God’s word to perform it. And they do. The Bible says Thou shalt also decree a thing and it shall be established unto thee, and light shall shine upon thy ways. (Job 22: 28) There is power in your decree and in your agreement with this word of the Lord. If you decree on the authority of the Word that your eyes will open and see clearly, it will come to pass. The Lord is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man that He should repent. If He said it, will He not do it? (Numbers 23: 19)

More practice

Engaging the Kingdom Prayer –Pick something that you really need or you really want to pray about. Pray exactly the way I described it to you. See the prayer coming to pass in your mind and imagination. Keep your whole being engaged and of one accord. Do this at first for at least ten minutes and try to add more time as you continue. It becomes easier. Intercession –There is someone in your life who you really have no desire to pray for. Think for a few minutes on where this person may spend eternity. Ask the Lord to give you a burden for this person. Give them one hour of the best blessing and prayer that anyone has ever prayed over them. Afterward, sit very quiet and still and ask the Lord if He wants to tell you anything, and then listen for his voice. Or, if there is someone with a great need, intercede the same way for two hours. Decree, Declare and Prophesy! –Consider any problem or situation you have going on in your life. Decree every day ten times a day what you desire to come to pass. Do this for a week and watch God move. Declare every morning and every night just before sleep that the eyes of your heart are being enlightened. And finally, prophesy over your home. “Home, you are a Bethel and a gateway to Heaven. You are a habitation of angels. You are a place to reveal the Lord’s glory!” As you do these things, be sensitive to the spiritual atmosphere around you and in your home. See how the atmosphere changes. In all these “exercises” be aware of what is going on around you.
Journaling. Interesting how he talked about putting value to what god shows by writing it down. I noticed if I don’t write things down, I will forgot no matter what impression it made on me.

One of the very first things you should do is buy a journal or a notebook of some kind.
Workouts and waiting – good practical stuff if you’re not sure how to wait on God

Being aware is the first step. You know the spiritual reality is right there where you can reach out and touch it. It’s closer than that. Stillness is a key. You can’t sense or feel or see anything if you are preoccupied with anything in the natural. You have to take some time to do your “workout.” Five minutes here and two minutes there will do nicely because it will keep you engaged more so than spending an hour and then forgetting about it.
When you wait on the Lord, you are making yourself available to Him. Whatever you want Lord, is what you are saying. My time is your time.
After everyone goes to bed and I’m pretty sure they are asleep, I go to my prayer chair downstairs. My prayer chair is a big comfortable, overstuffed chair in the living room. Sometimes I will kneel first, just to acknowledge Jesus’ lordship over my life. Sometime I will stay there for a while and sometimes for only a few minutes. Then I sit in my chair and purposely try to get as comfortable as possible. It can be very distracting if you are in an uncomfortable position while you are trying to pray. I repent of any known or unknown sins in my life. I ask the Lord to remove anything that defiles me and anything that offends Him. Sometimes I ask the Lord to send His Seraphim with coals to sanctify me. And then I sit very, very still. I stress this because if you are thinking about all the movements that you are making, scratching your nose, adjusting your glasses or just moving too much, your focus will be divided. You are trying to engage the spirit realm and your focus will be on the natural. You don’t want to divide your focus. So now I’m comfortable and I’m sitting very still with my eyes closed. Sometimes I will picture the Lord Jesus in my mind. This is very much like if I asked you to close your eyes and “see” what your house looks like. Or, sometimes I will think about a scripture or even a previous vision that the Lord has shown me. Now I wait. I wait with the expectation that the Lord will speak to me or manifest Himself to me in some way. I “listen” as if I am on guard and I have to be diligent to hear any strange sounds no matter how faint they may be. In other words I actively listen. 
I just want to take a minute to remind you that as believers we have a right to seek and expect for the Lord to visit with us or appear to us or embrace anything else He wants to do. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me, and he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him (John 14: 21

Imagination

Use your imagination in every part of your Christian walk. Use it in prayer, and in worship. Use it while waiting on the Lord, or when praying for the sick. Practice using your imagination by putting yourself into biblical scenes or imagine the visions that John or Ezekiel describe as if they are happening to you. What will happen is that you will find yourself being “pulled” into these visionary experiences. The doorway is your imagination.

Another practice session
Engaging the Kingdom Journaling –Get your journal started. Let your first entry be a prayer to the Lord that He Himself would fill that journal with mighty exploits that give Him glory! Exercise your Senses –Pick the hour that will best work for you, morning or night, and spend ten to fifteen minutes looking on the unseen. Also, take a few minutes to also do this as you wait on the Lord. Waiting on God –This one is your key to supernatural adventures in God. Do not neglect this. You will not be disappointed. Do the things I described for you and try to wait on the Lord for forty-five minutes to an hour and a half. If you are able to spend more time with the Lord, maybe on a day when you don’t have to get up early the next day, go a little longer! Imagination –Pick out some scriptures that you really love, and imagine yourself as being there. Imagine the sights, sounds, smells, feelings and emotions. Try to make a promise to yourself that you will do this at least twice a week until it starts to transport into the experience.

I’ve seen this verse a lot, it hasn’t hit home with me like other things by it’s mentioned by a lot of people

God is no respecter of persons, what He does for another He will do for you.
can honestly say that watching and participating with this program has taken our family into the most incredible things we have ever experienced! Again, it’s the power of a testimony!

Be hungry

If you are hungry for God, go wherever you have to. If you are hungry to see, get around the people who already do. I like how Pastor Bill Johnson addresses this subject. “Everyone says you shouldn’t follow after signs and wonders. I say follow them until they start following you!”
He wants us to be hungry. He wants us to contend for His presence. He wants us to draw from Him and drink from His provision.
If you want your home to be a place where you see angels and even strangers feel the presence of God, you have to make it so.

Fasting

Prayer is reaching out after the unseen; fasting is letting go of all that is seen and temporal. Fasting helps express, deepen and confirm the resolution that we are ready to sacrifice anything, even ourselves, to attain what

I mentioned that sometimes I’m led by the Lord before I fast. You cannot live a fasted life that way though. Fast even without being led, even if it’s only a meal, or a day.
There is extreme power in extreme actions when they are born of God.
The power of prayer and fasting together cannot be over emphasized. Giving up the desire of your body to eat and then also giving up the desires of your soul (your agenda) so that you can pray, will overcome any and every obstacle.

Another practice round

Fasting –Make a commitment to fast at least one meal, twice a week. Also, pick a day when you won’t be expected to eat, and fast the day. If that seems daunting at all, then fast from desserts or breads for a day. God will honor that. He is training us. He is our helper. As your experience with fasting deepens, then you can fast a full day, then three days, then seven. If you have medical issues, be smart and don’t make yourself ill. As your eyes are opened to the supernatural, your fasting will be motivated by the incredible experiences the lord gives you. Extreme Prayer –Pick something or someone you are passionate about, and go double the distance you have prayed before. If you’ve prayed an hour, go two, if two, go four. Get up and pray during the watch of the night. The supernatural realm seems to be more accessible during the night watch. If you have a day or can take a day and focus on prayer, try praying in tongues for eight hours. Don’t strain for it. Pray all day but don’t let it be work. Work gets tedious too fast. Keep joy in your prayer front and center. At the end of your prayer, always try to sit in stillness for at least ten minutes to really feel God’s presence and let Him speak to you. • Make sure and keep journal entries for your times of prayer and fasting. It will be a great benefit as you look and see what works for you and what doesn’t.
no longer focus on “not” committing sins. That is one thing the Lord showed me early on. If you focus on not committing the sin, you are still focused on the sin. If I feel tempted in any type of sin, or even if I don’t, my focus turns to Christ. Any thought that would offend the Lord is driven out and I imagine Him standing right there with me as if He can see my thoughts, because He can.
I try to practice the presence of the Lord in an ongoing manner, no matter where I am or what I’m doing.

Time is important

A great benefit of spending a lot of time in God’s presence a, is that His presence also surrounds your atmosphere,
Going back over my journal entries, I’ve discovered that if I spend at least a couple of hours a day in prayer, my eyes are open. If I spend less, it’s kind of hit and miss. If I spend much less, my eyes being opened seem to be completely a sovereign thing.

Be an Enoch not a Noah

Sadhu talked about walking with God ( I think it was this message  ) and contrasted Enoch and Noah as two where the Bible says they “walked with God”.  Noah was righteous/blameless.  The impression I got is that he walked righteousless, without sin ( not fully without, but just lived really well ).  I’m reminded of the verse, “blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.  Book of Enoch even spoke of Noah as this special child.  Enoch it just says walked closely with the Lord.  Sadhu said much more, and I’m blending together things I’ve heard.  Part of it is from Rick Joyner’s book The Path, where he met Enoch or Elijah, I think another part was actually a webinar with Paul Keith Davis related to this.  At one point he spoke with Elijah asking about Enoch, and he was told that Enoch was just so full of love, that’s what made him so special.

Ok, back to the store.  What I’ve found is when I sin, I try to cut myself off because I feel unworthy.  I’ll hold God at a distance until I feel I’ve proved myself and then move back.  Strangely, sometimes after a sin ( and of course this is what started this whole thing ), it’s like God feels even closer.  After I’ve repented of course.  So this last time we have this sort of conversation(in my head where I’m unsure exactly what parts are my soul, my spirit, or His spirit ) about this.  How can I reconcile that we have a relationship of Holiness with God, and this thought that when I sin, I shouldn’t feel like God pushes me away.  In fact, I should stay close.  The prophet the other day was reminded me that my relationship with God was built around who I am ( his child ) and less about what I’ve done.  Don’t let that stop me from working with Him.  So we’re going back and forth and I’m trying to reconcile, and what I hear is “Be an Enoch and not a Noah”.

Let me preface, this was for me.  This doesn’t mean it’s for everyone, but it has concepts that I believe apply or I wouldn’t put it up here.  What this meant to me, is to build that relationship with God, and mainly to love Him, and let that be my basis for walking closely to God.  It’s who I’m with, not how well I do.  Yes, I often fall into sin, but I shouldn’t let that push me down.  Say I’m sorry, and then step right back close with the Lord.  Of course, this is hard for me to think is ok.  And I find myself at that funny place where I pretty much tell God “this doesn’t fit with my theology”. I made this comment making the point like Kenneth Hagin did in his book, that his theology wasn’t God’s.  The answer was “maybe your theology needs to be changed”.  This is a grace in God.  We know this, but we don’t always walk in it.

Now if you start sinning and decide it’s ok and you’re not repentant, that’s a different story.  I think that will start cutting your off quickly; however,  if you don’t understand or you’re trying and have trouble, God works with that.  David was a man after God’s heart but did a couple big sins.  Because of that relationship, God sort of overlooked it.  Don’t get me wrong, David got to reap what he sowed, but he could have been punished much more, but God honored their relationship, and even blessed him in the end.

So, be an enoch. Be a person who loves God so much that you just try to walk with god, have that relationship and take that presence with you always.  When you sin, say you’re sorry and repent, but don’t let it stop that closeness.  In fact, marvel in the grace that God still draws you near.  That’s worth more than anything else.

I feel as I try to get closer to God, that I can’t make myself holy, I just can’t.  But if I build that relationship and draw close to Him, He loves it.  He loves when you’re hungry for Him, when you want to be with Him and talk and spend time.  When you build that up, it’s like favor from God.  Think about a close friend or your spouse, you just do things for them.  They don’t need to earn it, they deserve it for being your friend/spouse.  Become a lover of God, make him your beloved(Song of Solomon), and He’ll just do stuff for you.  I think He’ll just show up one day and go “hmm, it’s time to be free of this”, and remove that desire or show you the way and just wipe it out.  Because He wants you to be better.  Not because you half to, or the law says, and that’s where we get off.  We try to do it ourselves.  Instead, just love God more.  That will lead to holiness.

So this actually starts with a store from Kris Vallatton from Bethel.  He was talking about how he was prophesying over members of the church early on when he became a pastor. Things were flowing and going well, and there was as specific woman at the end he gave a good prophecy.  I’m going to skip some of the story that really makes it more interesting and funny, but basically the Lord confronted Him in a sort of funny way to make him realize that the last prophecy for that woman was from him(Kris) and not God.  But then God says it’s ok, He’ll take care of it.  Kris asks how, and He says “Oh, I’ll just have to make it come true.  That’s what I do for friends”.

Now, that might just give your theology a bit of a tweak there.  Take it as you want, but I felt the truth of it.  Kris got carried away, but that’s ok, God would back him up because he’s His friend.  Wow…

Now the group I was with started to go down a path of saying God’s going to help cover when you make mistakes, and I believe that, but I felt like we skipped something here.  Like I’ve mentioned before, that song which says “I am a friend of God” always bugs me.  We take it from the scripture when Jesus said to His disciples that now He calls them friends, and we apply it to ourselves.  But the disciples had been with Jesus for years, they followed Him through everything, stayed true, endured hardship, and gave up so much to be there.  This isn’t the right way to say it, but they earned it.  I just can’t come to call myself a friend of God, it’s like me saying I’m a friend of the president because I’ve seen Him.  No.  To be God’s friend, we must be chosen.  We must earn that by, well, actually being a friend.  The reward of being a friend is so much.  There are secrets revealed only to friends.  God covers for His friends.  More and more and more.

So.  What’s this to say.  Be a friend to God.  Remember, it’s a relationship.  Listen to Him.  Bless Him.  Ask Him things you can do.  Just be with Him.  That friendship will spawn so much more worth in your life than any ministry you can come up with.

Well, yesterday was a good day.

I went to a small group going through the school of the prophets training material from Bethel.  I had heard about it, and joined in for the day even though it was a bit of the drive.  The leader of this group has what I would say a strong prophetic gift.  I’m not around these people much.  Like I said before, I know a lot, but don’t get to experience it around me as much, so this was good.  What they would do is go through the course for a little bit, have some time to talk, and then practice.  Newcomers especially get the “treatment” and tend to have a lot of words spoken over them apparently.  I’m not going to go into things, and don’t really want to as I feel like it’s trying to make myself into something I’m not, but I want to share just a couple things as I feel they are appropriate for others.

Let’s just say there were a couple key words that popped out like “journey” and “waiting on God” that helped tell me I’m on path.  One of the things I was told was something like..

“You have a purity of hunger.  It’s not a hunger for other things, just a hunger for God himself.  He finds that attractive and it will open doors”

That really spoke to me.  As I feel like I put a lot of other things aside that we typically think of as pleasing God to stay more focused upon finding Him.  I felt this was right, as to search for God himself seems like the path to all other paths.  To know Him is to know your place.  Another part was something like

“Create the vehicle you’re going to run in.  It’s like you’re looking around at all the boats but you can’t find what you need.  That’s because it doesn’t exist, you need to make it.  You’re like Noah building a boat.  You know the voice of God. [another person] It’s a sail ship.  You need others on this journey with you.”

I would often try to question myself (which I’m sure is actually the enemy).  The path I’m on is it good, does it make sense.  Why can’t I find the way.  That’s because it’s not there yet.  But what I hear is God, it is the truth.  What I seek is the right path for me.

There’s a group of us being called into this walk with God.  Where we find Him in the mountain, and learn to walk with Him.  It’s like we need to group together as those on “The Path” to make our way, then we can lead others.

Hold the course.  The hunger for God attracts Him.  It’s strange to think, but He is drawn to that and will make room for it, will bless it.

 

In most ways, I have been blessed.  Loving family, we have our little issues, but those are pretty small.  We love each other and take care of each other.  I’ve had a good job.  It’s been a bit too much work lately, but allows us to live comfortable.  Nothing extravagant.  Basically, all the main concerns are taken care of.  And I’ve worked hard for that.  Won’t go into details, but I think you can get the point if I make the comment that my manager has told me to not work as hard.  Who hears that?  I’m not overdoing it much, just trying to do a good job.

So, shouldn’t I enjoy the fruits of my labor.  This is where I have gotten stuck this last week.

I’m not talking about sin.  I’m not talking about excesses even.  I want to read a fictional book.  I want to watch some TV.  Maybe go to a movie.  When I have a little time, I work so hard at work, then do what I consider a fairly good job taking care of family.  When I get a break, why shouldn’t I relax and enjoy something for me?

The answer is, because I want more.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”

I’m not satisfied.  I had about 3 days in a row that I hungered and thirsted.  I was setting my mind on the Lord, I would wake up in the night and get up to wait on God.  I would listen to the Sermon on the Mount in my car driving home from work, praise and worship on the way to work.  I would meditate on his word as I did little things like walking between buildings, bathroom, etc.

Then I decided I was tired and deserved to listen to a book.  Then watched shows with my wife or just snuggled and fell asleep on the couch instead of writing.  Five days later I wonder what just happened.

Did I sin.  Not that I know of (oh, I’m sure I sinned at points, but not necessarily by these choices ).  I just let my hunger fall away.  My focus drifted.  And when you’re not looking at the Lord, you’re not moving toward Him.

I do this a lot.  I wanted to really write it out this time to let others know of my struggle, to put words to what I do.  Complacency.  I’m sure the enemy is helping me along that course. Whispering I deserve the time off.  It’s just too hard to stay focused.  Then I let go a couple times and drift off, only to get to the end of this or that and find the hunger not satisfied.  It’s really all quite silly, and quite successful against me.

Perhaps I have tried for too much.  Time in the word and prayer in the morning, praise and listening to His servants in the care.  memorizing scripture.  Reading book about seeing the Lord.  Trying to write about Him for others.  All this no top of my normal 14 hour day of working, family, chores, etc.  I shoot too high and fall, but don’t see another alternative.

I am hungry.