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These past couple months ( years? ) I feel like I lost sight of something.  I’ve looked at books, I’ve focused on spiritual sight.  I’ve spent more time on the Word.  I’ve gotten bogged down in family and work.  I’ve been pulled away in sin.  I’ve just plain looked for comfort from other places.

What I came to realize today is I feel like I lost sight of my main goal.  I want back to the “My Mission” statement and it still fairly well sums it up.  I want intimacy.  I want to know God in such a way that I experience Him.  When we become close enough with the Lord, he opens up to us.  He brings us to see His home, He introduces us to His friends.  He reveals the things that are going on and also just sits and talks with us.

In all the methods and principles and struggling and work, I strayed off the only path I know to be true.  Knowing God.  What does that look like?  More commitment every day than the one before.  It looks like finding free time to just sit with Him. It looks like waiting upon Him for Him to speak.  It looks like opening my eyes to see Him moving. I just can’t find the words.  I have a “ministry” for now, something the Lord has led me to do, and I’m working on that, but even that I feel must fall secondary.  The primary goal must always be to draw closer to Him.  If I don’t ever stick with it, I won’t break through to that intimacy.

Jesus, name above all names, beautiful savior, glorious Lord.

My heart cries out for you.  Only you.


Now when Daniel knew that the document was signed, he entered his house (now in his roof chamber he had windows open toward Jerusalem); and he continued kneeling on his knees three times a day, praying and giving thanks before his God, as he had been doing previously. – Daniel 6:10

I think I finally get it.  I’ve read those scriptures that Daniel set aside 3 times a day to pray, and I always took it as, oh that’s some good thing he set up to do, and not something for myself.  Why?  Isn’t Daniel perhaps one of the men most to be respected.  Personally, I think it was Daniel that spoke with John in Revelation, who revealed the end times.  He said he was one of the prophets didn’t he?  I have no revelation on that, it just fits.

Anyway, so it hits me today.  Daniel was smart enough to realize that he needed to stop everything he did several times in a day to come back to God.  To walk in the presence of the Lord, to keep his focus upon Him, to line up his life with Him.  You can’t just go through your whole day without it.  Unlike me, he had the brains to realize that it wouldn’t just happen unless he made it happen.  That seems to be the key right.  In all these things, you plan to succeed.  What’s that saying, “if you fail to plan then you plan to fail”.  Do not trust that you can keep your mind on God all day.  Do not trust that time will just magically come.  If you need to, go to bed early.  Or stay up late.  Set aside some lunches, perhaps a schedule meeting in the morning.  Do what it takes to make sure you are coming back to God.  Always back to Him.



Sorry for the title, but it’s a reuse of one of my favorite lines from the show “Fringe”.  Fun show, not really that edifying, just fun.

I want to just make a short and honest post.

I get bitter.

There can be several reasons, some recurring, some new ones.  It’s a sneaky little devil.  One day I’m doing great, then my mind runs off onto one of these topics, and poof, 10 minutes later bitterness has poisoned my attitude.  And poison it is.  Bitterness allowed to fester will ruin your soul.  Seriously.  I suspect most of you have someone close to you where you’ve seen this happen.

Well today’s story was with my wife.  I’m going to leave things vague, as there’s no need for particulars.  But today was one of the reoccurring topics.  I was having a bit of a rough morning, she made some comments, I commented back, couple “barely” heated words, then I go off mumbling.  I mumbling because I feel like I am not being treated as I deserve ( strike one ), and that she does this a lot ( strike two ), and I think back about those other times she’s done stuff like this ( strike three, I’m out. ).

So the holy spirit managed to sneak a word in ( I’m pretty impressed in fact, because I didn’t want to listen ), and got me to stop and think about how Jesus would handle that.  Well, you know what happens when you’re grump and bitter.

“Well, Jesus picked out people that would listen to him”

“Jesus was respected for who He was”

and the best one:

“Jesus never had a wife to deal with”.

Obviously, this is the brutally honest part of the quote.  I did not say this out, in fact, this is the type of thing I wouldn’t ever repeat to someone as it exposes just how stupid I can be.  Honey, if you happen to read this, you are amazing.  I suspect you’ve already learned to not listen to me, just keep at it.

At this point God had enough, and pointed out that we are the bride of Christ.  Oops.  Guess Jesus does have to deal with “that”.  In fact, what really came to mind was that God chose Israel, and how horrible of a “spouse” they were.  Remember the life of Hosea who was led to marry a harlot as a testimony of Israel.  Ouch.

Needless to say, I started rearranging my thoughts after this.  When my wife got back ( she had gone to run ) I apologized.  Was I right in what I said at first?  It doesn’t matter.  if I got bigger I’m wrong.  If I got angry, I’m wrong.  I care much less for the actually truth than how I handle the situation.

So, the reason for this post.  I guess humility.  I want anyone reading to see other do ( or think ) their own stupid and silly things, and to encourage you to not give in to bitterness.  Instead, suck it up, set it aside, and make Jesus all you need.

James 4:7 would be that verse.  Resist and he will flee.   Guess what.  I’ve tried it, a lot, and it often doesn’t work.  Of course it doesn’t work in those areas I’ve allowed myself to get farther into.  I can think of a couple areas where the devil loves to come at me, and I resist to a point, and then get pushed over the edge.

I had a new twist on this I wanted to share, so as part of that, I went and did my typical “look at the greek” for the verse above.  Oh, I’m no greek scholar.  I actually did take a Biblical Hebrew class at my university.  I think I can still say the alphabet there, but I’m no scholar.  Instead, I use Bible Hub.  Here’s the link for James 4:7

Fun stuff, you won’t catch all the forms of the verbs and nouns, etc of Greek.  Gotta take classes for that, but it did give me one thing.  I followed the definition back for the word “resit” and found one of the definitions as:

take a complete stand against, i.e. a “180 degree, contrary position”; (figuratively) to establish one’s position publicly by conspicuously “holding one’s ground,” i.e. refusing to be moved (“pushed back”).

Well, that explains a little.  This isn’t just resist, this is like “take it to war’ resist.  So on that note, my new method.

Don’t just say no, don’t just run away, don’t just say a scripture.  All good things.  But take the opportunity afforded by the temptation to react to it.  Take action.  Preferably, find the base reason for that temptation that leads you to sin, and then turn to God in a way that counter acts it.  How to explain.  For example, lets say I have a sin which at root is that I’m lacking intimacy.  So I take that temptation, and when it comes strongly, I step aside, turn my heart to God, and find intimicy with my Lord.  I wait upon the Lord, looking to Him, praising and worshiping Him.  Not only does that counter-balance the desires for that sin, but it leads me to seek Him when I hadn’t planned.  Basically, I use the enemy’s attacks to draw me deeper into relationship.

Another way to describe this is through one of my favorite songs from Shane and Shane.  It’s called embracing accusation.  Here’s the lyrics.

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

So the devil likes to come and accuse us, and guess what, he’s right.  We have sinned.  He loves to tell us that, but leaves off the “oh year, Jesus saved you from that” part.  So when he condemns, you take that condemnation, shove it aside, and say, “Good thing God’s grace is sufficient. He is awesome”.

What you’ll find is that when you build the habit of taking the attack against you into something positive with the Lord, the devil is going to stop.  As soon as it’s clear that his attacks are driving you closer, he’ll learn and move on.  Oh, he’ll be back with something else I’m sure, but like the verse says, “resist him and he’ll flee”.

This is actually a pretty straightforward deal, but it stuck out enough today that I just wanted to put it down.  Listening to Neville Johnson again, and as he was talking about getting into the Spirit, he jumped on the heart for a minute.  The heart is sort of the bridge between the soul and spirit.  It’s a little of both when you see the heart mentioned in scriptures.  Interesting thought, but one of the side comments he mentioned was “when your conscious is clear, there is a bridge opened in the spirit”.

Makes perfect sense to me.  When I’m unrepentant, I can’t seem to be with God.  I’ve noticed this a bit.  You’ve probably heard me mention that when I get off away from God, it’s like I don’t try, cause I don’t really play the “quiet time” game.  Need to clarify, nothing wrong with quiet time, I’m speaking of the routine that we’re supposed to do this set of things everyday.  When I’m off in sin, it just doesn’t work.  When I come to God and repent, suddenly it’s clearer.  I can feel His presence, I can hear Him speak.

So I guess I should make sure that early in this process you need to repent of everything.  That’s really part of the openness/honesty, and even bond servant.  If you’re not clear before God, you can’t hear.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. – John 15:7

This is where it began.  I heard this in a sermon recently and had been thinking about this off and on.  This is one of those verses where we try to spiritualize it, otherwise, it’s hard to explain.  “Ask and it will be done”?  That’s not something we see, so we can’t take this at face value.  Instead it must mean that when we really get into God, when He is our desire(“I will give you the desire of your heart”), then we will ask what He wants, and it will get answered.  Tell me, have you seen that either?  No, no.  This is more.  When the Word says something, you should believe it.  So that tells me there’s something to abiding and the Word.

Read Psalm 119 and see what David said of God’s commandments.  Go to Proverbs and find Soloman’s thoughts on wisdom

For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her – Proverbs 8:11

We know from Rick Joyner’s book, true wisdom is Jesus.  Oh, I’m sure I could track down plenty of scripture, but the Final Quest made it so personal.  Revelation is like wisdom, as revelation is the revealing of truth to your heart, and who is truth, that’s right, Jesus.  He is the Word in flesh.  He is truth.  He is wisdom.  When you were young, did you ever mix all the drinks at the soda fountain together.  Yeah, Jesus is sort of like that, all this amazing stuff in one, without upsetting your stomach.

Ok, so this is one of those train of thought messages.  I start by thinking of Jesus abiding, and even more the word abiding in us.  That led me to revelation, truth.  Next came the parable of the sower.  When you get truth, it can become revelation ( seeds that sprout ) or just die on the road (eaten by the birds).  The devil wants to steal truth from you before it roots in.  Even if it starts to grow, he’ll make you busy with the worries of the world, or keep you shallow so it can’t go big.  For us to keep hold of truth and have it grow, we need to protect it and nurture it.  Treat it like the gold it is.  You can’t just go “oh that’s cool” then get back to your life.  Spend time with it

Why is this so important?  Well it’s like the Holy Spirit plugged the pieces together, and much better than I am right now.  As I meditated upon the word dwelling in me, it made me think of it living there.  As a plant, it needs room to grow, nourishment, time, attention.  If I think of it like a person, and I want it to abide, then I need to draw it in, make space for it, love it, protect it.  Basically make a home for it.  I don’t just want it hidden in my heart, or planted, or just held; I want it rooted in, growing, expanding.  I want it to paint the walls, decorate a room, plant a garden.  That’s the sort of abiding we need.  We need it so entrenched in our hearts that we can be transformed by it.  For when the word abides in you, you can ask what you wish and it’ll be done.  So is the main thing that we can ask and get what we want?  No.  That’s just a side-effect of relationship.  What we’re talking about here is authority and relationship.  There are privileges and expectations that come with those.  That is what I want.  I want the relationship itself, not the perks.

And to get there, I need the word to abide.  So when revelation comes, when you see that truth in the scripture leap into your heart and teach you something new, don’t let it go.  Don’t just say “cool” and move back to your life.  Cherish it.  Hold on and fight for it.  Keep thinking over it, write it down, whatever it takes so that it can take root in your heart.  For me, writing seems to be part of it.  I just realized how much I need to hold on, as I have lost so much.  And if there’s somewhere really good to start on making sure I hold onto it, it’s the realization that I need to hold onto truths to be transformed.

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits.  – (Matthew 7:16)

What fruit are we looking for?

I went through a men’s discipleship course lately that was very big on John 15.  You know the chapter, abide in God.  Those that abide will bear fruit, those that bear fruit God prunes so they bear more fruit.  One of the questions we asked the group was “what kind of fruit are we talking about”.  I of course started with the fruit of the Spirit, but we went on and came up with a number of other fruits.  People being saved, chruches started, lives touched, etc.  It’s hard to measure something like joy, but easy the measure something like the number of people joining a church.  That’s not wrong…. is it?

That thought crossed my mind the other day when I was reminded of another passage from Jesus.

Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ – Matthew 7:22-23

So, here we find a group of people who were expressing several of the gifts of the spirit: prophecy, miracles, casting out demons(not sure that’s a “gift” but it’s an expression).  Very visible things.  Imaging a man who came to your church, prayed for some sick and they got well.  We would look up to that man.  Yet, this verse says that Jesus may have never known him.

Neville Johnson said these last couple years that we have focused on the gifts of the spirit rather than the fruit.  If Jesus said you should know them by their fruit, then let’s combine that with another verse.  Sadly, I went looking and I can’t find it.  Hmm… it’s something like we should no longer look at each other from the flesh, but know each other from the spirit.  Sigh.  If someone knows the verse i’m looking for leave a comment.   Possibly it’s just a logical part of 2 Corinthians 5:16.  Oh well.  Sorry for that dead-end.

Anyway, if we’re to judge by the fruit, and we know long judge according to the flesh(2 Cor 5:16), then perhaps we judge by the spirit.  And if the Bible just happens to tell us the fruit of the spirit, well, maybe that’s what we judge.  Is that harder, yes, but I bet not for those who are more open to the Spirit.  For those of us not there, we must be more open, observant, and listen for the voice in us.  But don’t judge by the world, you’ll miss it.

If you haven’t caught on, silly church traditions sometimes bug me.  For example, one of the denominations I’ve been to a bit likes to count up baptisms.  It seems like a decent thing to count as people who pray the prayer, often pray it and wander off.  Those that are baptized are more likely the ones that were touched and will move on.  So we count it.  As we like to count all things.  And sadly we go on to stuff like baptizing those from another denomination “just to make sure”.  They weren’t “baptized” like we are.  I can’t help but wonder if that’s really the concern, or if that adds to the count.  Silly Christians we all are.

So, I went into this, because I wonder how many people live in discouragement that are exhibiting many of the fruits of the spirit, but not the “fruits of the church”.  So they are growing, but from the external view they aren’t on mission trips, and leading small groups, and witnessing to people enough to look good, so they get discouraged.  They come to think of themselves as not as good and lose that desire to draw closer to God.  I’ve been there.  If you are, remember, what God believes is what matters.  Draw closer to Him.

The fruit is the test.  Are you showing more fruit of the spirit.  Love, joy, peace, patience….

If you’re not, the answer isn’t to try hard, it’s to abide more deeply.  Spend more time with the Lord, listen to Him, meditate upon the word, desire God.  Keep your mind on the Lord more and His love, and the fruits will grow.  When you’re being fed by the vine, the fruit will grow on it’s own.  If you try to force it, you’ll just get discouraged.

The last couple years ( maybe last 1 or 2 ) have seen a distinct change in how I read from my Bible.  The first, and probably most ironic part, is that I read less.  I am most definitely not saying this is better, but how my life has gone the last 2 years.  It’s so weird to look back and realize just how much time I had and how little is free now.  There is still enough, there is always enough, but just from a sheer time standpoint.  But that’s really beside the point.

What I’ve found is how far I go until I stop.  I heard this story once, I believe it was from Andrew Womack.  Interesting preacher.  I listened to a bit of his teachings for a while and he’s got some really interesting ( and good ) views on things, especially healing.  I tend to stick with these other guys more and haven’t looked at any of this stuff in a while, but I remember this story he told.  He was on one of those read the Bible through in a year ( or month ) plans.  As always happens, he got a little behind, so he sat down with his Bible and began to read through his chapters.  On the very first first, he felt the Spirit speak to Him.  So He stopped for a second to ponder that, but quickly realized he’s going to be in trouble here.  If he stops like this, he’ll never get through it all.  So he found himself telling God “God, don’t start talking to me, I’ve got to read through your Word.”  ( don’t quote that last part, but it’s close enough ).  That was when he realized he had an issue here.

I don’t read far.  In fact, this last week, I’ve been going a couple verses through the Sermon on the Mount.  It’s actually rather convenient as I memorized the thing years back ( I can’t quote it now ), so I remember it well enough to keep a couple verses in my head for the day.  For example, today I read on down to the part that said something like:

Therefore, if you are presenting your offering before the alter, and there remember your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the alter and go.  First be reconciled to your brother, then come and present your offering before the Lord.  – Matthew 5:something ( MBV – My Brain’s version )

That alone kept my occupied for about 5-10 minutes of quiet time this morning, at least two 10-15 minutes rides, and a little other time.  Why, because there’s so much there if you just read.  Forget that you know the Word and read.

  1. Presenting your offering – Well, we don’t do that anymore, but had you read just a bit before, you’d know that the Old Law isn’t gone, just fulfilled.  So we still present offerings, but what they should be now and not an animal.  So we offer ourselves to God, our will(my thoughts). Do we still make offerings before Him?  Not just prayer, as that didn’t require a sacrifice to pray, no giving something up.  We should.
  2. remember your brother has something against you – I pulled up BibleHub.  I switched it over to Parrallel and Greek versions just to see.  Was this talking about a specific complaint, a reasonable offence.  It seemed kind of vague but sometimes that’s a translation.  Guess what, it is very vague.  I found nothing unique.  Every way I looked at it, it said “has anything against you”.  This could be a valid complaint or not.  This could be a sin you did, or something that just bothered them.  It really didn’t matter.  If they were upset with you for a reason, you better take care of that.
  3. Brother – Does this mean we’re just talking about Christians here.  I think so.  Hadn’t gotten a good though here.
  4. Leave your offering – Don’t gather it up and go.  No, make haste, take care of it, come right back.  That speaks to me of how important the offering is, that you will not leave it, you will back.  In fact, you might affect others with that.  Not sure there.  And it’s obvious.  You just dropped your stuff and took off.
  5. God doesn’t want your offering if it’s tainted. This is perhaps the hardest one.  So if I have been selfish or prideful enough to not deal correctly with my “family”, then the Lord doesn’t want my offering.  Yikes.  Luckily, I tend to keep a short leash on these things.  Oh, I’m definitely proud, but I can also suck it up and apologize, admit my fault, etc.  The Lord has done a bit of teaching here.  I see others who just can’t apologize if their life depended upon them.  I wonder what they expect from God.  Still, this made at least one part clear to me I need to resolve before making any other commitments to the Lord.

And there you are.  Two verses, and about two pages full of thoughts.  Just read the word and believe.  Not what you’ve been told, not what you want to believe, but what it says.  Then meditate upon it, give it time, consider the sides of it, the possibilities.  Stay open.  This is our daily bread.


So, I’ve thought a bit about this over time.  Trying to be open to God.  I remember hearing people say this, especially one of the messages from Sadhu about being completely open to God.  At one point he likened it to being married and naked in front of your spouse.  Basically, there’s nothing to hide anymore.  That analogy made some sense, but not as good for me.  Then the other day there was a connection put together for me.

What I realized is that there’s been a lot of times where I went off into sin, and when I came back and repented before the Lord, I would feel His presence.  I always thought it odd that so soon after being sinful I could feel closer to Him.  Finally I made the connection to openness.  It’s like when you’ve been hiding something from a friend or family member.  Something you’ve done that’s wrong, you tried to cover it up, but finally had to come clean.  Think back to some time you’ve done this.  Maybe it’s a spouse, parent, friend.  Doesn’t matter.

So hear you are, confessing that one secret to them.  You have opened yourself up.  You’re letting them see not only how you feel now, but those things you didn’t want to show.  In essence, you’re bearing your soul before them and waiting on their judgement.  Have you also noticed the freedom you feel in that moment.  Typically only if they forgive you, but that freedom to know that you’re accepted, all of you, not just the face you put before them.  Well, it’s the same thing.

So when you stand before the Lord, you have to realize that He sees all of you.  Not just the words you bring in your prayer.  Not how you’re dressed up for church.  He sees the thoughts you had in the dark, the sins you commit in secret, all that.  We know this intellectually, but don’t put it together in our … heart?  So I’ve found when I come before God know, I come “just as I am”.  Even I say it, it’s like cliche after cliche, so I hope you get the idea.  I come before Him knowing that I’m a mess.  I don’t hide anything, I can’t anymore.  In fact, lately I’ve had more trouble coming before Him for the exact reason.  I know I cannot play the game anymore where I pretend I’m something that I’m not.  Where I act one way in front of others, then bring out my true side in front of family ( sorry, little pet peeve of mine there ).  No, when I come, I bear it all.  I often mentally walk through all my weaknesses before the Lord, and admit them.  I am a sinner.  I am not very bright.  I am lazy.  But I am Yours.  Lord, if you’re willing to accept what I have, what I am, then I am Yours.  I mess up, I take bad turns, but I come back to You.  There’s no where else I want to be.

Been off for a bit.  Partially it’s because of my other project, and partially because of some life changes that have been going on.  The biggest one that affects me is a possible job change.  I’ve been at my current job for a long time, over a decade.  I’m well established, I’ve done well, worked my way up, and have been taken care of, but it’s hard.  That’s another story for another day, but leads me up to this.  As with any change going on, what’s the thing you do, you pray and ask God what to do.  Add it to your prayer list.  You pray each day about it.  I can see the prayers now

“God should I take this job”

“God, show me the path”

“God, if this is your will, open up the door”

“God, if this isn’t your will, close the door”

“God I trust you, I know you’ll let me know”

And we pray.  And we pray.  Then we post a message on facebook asking for our friends to pray for our “unmentioned request”.  And then we look at all the goods and bads, ask advice of our family and friends, and make the best choice knowing that God has directed us.


Except, I can’t do it.

This is our start.  We start with our prayers to God.  We make our list, kneel down, and pray through them each day.  If we’re really Godly, we make our list of prayers for the week, because it’s just too much for one day.  We ask others to pray thinking that the more people that make a request to God, the more likely an answer.  Then we tweak the variables.  Maybe the combination of enough people and fasting will do it.  Maybe I need to give God more time.  If we’re not careful, it because a recipe for getting something from God.

As you become a Christian, you may have to start here.  Look at the Lord’s prayer.  It’s a pretty simple run through. Praise, adoration, repentence, asking, etc.  But then we try to apply that.  I think it’s a good model, but only as a model.  If it becomes an outline, you risk losing the relationship and making a transaction.

So no, I have trouble with this now.  I can’t just sit and run through a list, ask God to do things, and then move on.  My relationship is more precious.  So, let me think, what did I do this last time…

Funny thing is, I didn’t go praying every day during my quiet time.  I didn’t right it down or go broadcasting to others.  Family knew, but I didn’t ask others.  I trusted God.  I brought it to Him a couple times in passing, until it was getting close and I knew I really needed to hear His heart.  So one day I found myself home alone, which doesn’t happen that often and realized, now’s the time.  Now I hope I can convey this somehow, I really don’t have a handle on it myself in my mind, but here goes.  I was alone, and not rushed.  Both are still very important for me.  I need my mind to be quiet.  Then I sit, kneel, whatever.  Basically get into a position that I can be comfortable and not think about it.  Often if it’s “shorter” I’ll kneal.  If I’m waiting on God for a possibly longer time, I try to sit somewhere, just what I do.

Then I go to Him.  I don’t ask God to come, I don’t just start talking, but I lower myself.  I’m not important.  What I actually do is imagine myself first in my garden.  It’s a place I feel like the Lord has taken me before (only in my imagination, but isn’t that as real as anything). I come in, basically I imagine myself walking into the scene, and then I heard over to where I can picture Jesus.  For me it’s normally over in a certain spot, often I’ll imagine myself sitting by Him.  This is the first part that is hard to explain.  I don’t force it.  I open up the picture in my mind and what I’m going for, but then I sort of wait and see.  What it’s really doing inside is I’m opening myself up to the Lord.  I’m setting aside all my physical things, my worries, etc, and coming to just sit before Jesus.  Typically I’ll find some spot where I feel like I’m sitting before, next to, near,  the Lord.  Then I just sit for a minute and love Him.

Then we chat.  No, I’m not giving you a formula, I’m trying to give you a relationship. Sometimes I have to start with forgiveness.  I like it better when I can just come and talk.  In this case I worship him for a minute, and then I ask Him if I can come before the throne.  Remember the verse “come boldly before the throne of grace”.  The answer is always yes(at least the times I get an answer), but some reason reason I ask.  Maybe because I want Jesus to be with me.  I don’t feel like I should come before the throne on my own, something I do.  Then again I tend to have to imagine it.  I can only do that, because I’ve felt once before the Lord took me there in my imagination, so I just remember it the way it was.  Very unclear..  Let’s get that straight.  These are mostly fuzzy pictures with sort of a general direction and something up there.  I am not in a vision, I haven’t been caught up, I just feel like in my Spirit I go there, but using my imagination.  Think what you wish.

Then I bring my requests before God, and I wait.  Sometimes there’s nothing, sometimes there’s a lot.  Often in this sort of setting I’ve had a lot of back and forth with the Lord, jumped topics etc.  In this case, I brought it before Him and waited.  As I did, there were a lot of things that came to mind.  Some of them were things like my “other project” that requires more time.  Me having time to wait on Him.  Being available.  What I realized is I felt the Lord was showing me all the things I would have available if I were to take the new job. It frees me up for the things that He’s been leading me.  It lined up with some prophecy I had.  It lined up with some of the things I’ve felt God was personally leading me.

And so the decision was made.  I didn’t have any actual words this time, just the aligning of vision, and the peace that comes with the spirit speaking to you.

Since then there’s been a lot of doubts come on, a lot of questions, and yet, i haven’t wavered in the end.  The basic vision is clear and there I go.