This goes along with my last post on fasting.  I’ve continued to get this impression that our normal Christian lives are anything but normal.  That our doctrines we’ve created to explain how we hear and see God are just things we make up to feel comfortable.  I hear people(including myself) talk about hearing God, and it’s almost like reading tea leaves.  Open this door, close that, give me peace, I feel like, I just feel led, it goes on and on.  So few people can say, “The Lord spoke to me face to face and told me”.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  How to explain.  It’s one of those way-down-deep feelings that I just can’t get into words.

What I do know is that we’re afraid to try.  We’re afraid to bring a question to God and wait for an answer.  Sure we’ll pray for it 5 minutes here or there for a couple weeks, we’ll give a vague impression that something might help(which could also be indigestion from that hot dog at lunch), and move on.  Was that how the apostles seemed to work in Acts?  No.  You see, I think we’re terrified that we may put it on God, and He doesn’t come through.  It’s like praying for healing.  We’re scared cause if it doesn’t happen, we don’t know if our faith will hold up under it.  We scared to actually follow some of the scriptures, not get an answer, and then have to live with the doubts it creates.

Instead, I should take this desire to see God to the Lord day and night.  I should wait upon him every day, I should find any free moment and use it to cry out to Him.  I should get up early and weep from the desire.  I should fast and take time off work to bring it before Him in petition.  I should not let it go silent until an answer comes.  Perhaps the answer is a sin I need to fix.  I fix it, then bring it back.  Perhaps the answer is even no for some reason, but I should not stop until I have that answer.  Until the Lord speaks.  That’s what the scripts say.  Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.  Those verbs are all a tense where it’s really saying something like “ask and keep on asking”, “seek and keep on seeking”, etc.

This is what my spirit seems to be crying out for.  Take my next issue, sin, desire, and assault heaven.  “The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force”.  I should bring it to God and continue until He answers.  I have a funny feeling the first couple times may take a long time, because I have a lot of junk to work through.  But I would hope as I clear things up, that I begin to hear the Lord quicker, for I feel like He’s often answering, and I’m just rarely hearing.

Do I have the desire to do this, to throw everything else out for seeking after God?  I just don’t know, but what I do know is that unless it becomes everything, I don’t think it’ll work.  But if it does…. it changes everything.