Tag Archive: Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj

I felt like the Spirit was telling me that I should spend some time on Enoch.  More specifically, that I should take some time looking at his life and help others to understand.  I don’t necessarily think it was for you guys on here, but you get to be the trial run.  We’ll work our way through scripture and then move on to other references.  To start, let’s just go over the main scripture for Enoch.

Enoch lived sixty-five years, and became the father of Methuselah. Then Enoch walked with God three hundred years after he became the father of Methuselah, and he had other sons and daughters. So all the days of Enoch were three hundred and sixty-five years. Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him. – ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭5:21-24‬ ‭NASB‬‬

 To start, let’s just go over the main scripture for Enoch.  Enoch gets me excited.  I don’t remember hearing many messages preached on him, just that he walked with God and was taken away.  We didn’t know much more to say about that than this.  What do you preach to other Christians about how to apply this?I felt like the Spirit was telling me that I should spend some time on Enoch.  More specifically, that I should take some time looking at his life and help others to understand.  I don’t necessarily think it was for you guys on here, but you get to be the trial run.  We’ll work our way through scripture and then move on to other references.  To start, let’s just go over the main scripture for Enoch.

Point #1 – Walking with God

So what did it mean that he “walked with God”?  That is much of the mystery.  I believe it’ll be more clear as we go along, but I fall back to some of Sadhu’s teaching on walking with God.   To me, it means to walk along side, to know, to talk, to see, and to know each other intimately.  Sadhu had his definition for it that I can’t remember. I know it’s in that series about walking with God.  My definition is probably based off of his, so close enough.  I just think how I’ve seen others walk, or even think of the Bible.  God talks to them.  They see visions, dreams, angels.  The Lord works closely with them.  Think of Adam in the garden, God would walk along side and explain things.  True friendship where there is two way communication.  Working together where the spirit is leading and guiding as you work.  Trust.  Basically, all things that are so far above our typical walk.

Point #2 – We can do this.

Growing up, this was just another one of those scriptures that was one of “those” people in the Bible that were special.  We couldn’t expect to be treated like this, could we?   Of course we could.
So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality. – Acts 10:34
We have to stop thinking that we can’t do things that God has shown can be done.  If Enoch could do this, why couldn’t we.  One thing he had going for him was that when he was born, Adam was still alive.  Imagine hearing the stories of Adam walking in the Garden with God.  However, we have Christ, and the Spirit.  I can’t imagine how he could find such a walk without Jesus revealed.  He must have found that revelation, and reached forward to it.  It’s like David, who had a heart after God but without Jesus was still walking under a harder covenant.

Point #3 – He was just a man

Think about it, he wasn’t even like many of the figures in the Bible.  He had, what, 10 scriptures written total with him mentioned?  I like to think that he wasn’t even a big “pivotal” figure in the Bible, as it wasn’t planned for him to lead Israel, walk with Jesus, etc, and yet he found a way.  He wasn’t a big prophet or apostle, and yet, how many people can say they walked so close to God, that God just took them home.  Enoch, Elijah, maybe Moses.  Were there more?  I can tell you yes, though I can’t give you proofs.  This still happens.  People who are so close to God that He just brings them up as they don’t need to die.  Those who overcome death itself.  That’s the plan for the end-time army, but Enoch got ahead.  I think he just drew some close to God in a relationship that he was there for that very purpose.

Point #4 – Normal family man

Notice, he didn’t walk with God until his first child was born.  After than, he had more sons and daughters.  That means he did this as a husband and father.  He took care of his family but still walked with God.  That says he’s not much different than me.  He wasn’t like Paul who said it’s better to not be married and focused on God, he found the way in that.  I personally find that encouraging.


How do we do this?  I hope to find more exciting things as we keep looking at Enoch to help encourage me but also to explain to me how Enoch was able to.  Relationship should be our goal, not results.


This is actually a response to a question from another post, but figured it’d be good to get out there and say my thoughts here.  The original question was when I’m trying to wait on God, do I clear my mind or focus upon the Word.

How I see it, those are two things.

First there’s meditating upon the Word.  In this instance you probably want to spend time in prayer and worship to get yourself “in the spirit”, basically to where you feel the presence of the Lord, and get focused more upon Him.  Then you take some scripture, and just spend time on it.  What you’ll see I often do is use time when I’m doing something like mowing the yard ( doesn’t take much thought ) or driving to just mull over scriptures.  Repeat it, say it out loud, think through each part of it, etc.  I still think that’s just part of it, and that there’s a much deeper part I haven’t gotten to you.  This is mainly from Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj’s teachings on meditating on the Word.  He says you get in that quiet place, and then just go over and over it.  When you do this, you have different levels of revelation.  The first level is where I typically get to, the Holy Spirit speaking to you, other levels are angels coming to make things clear, the Lord speaking directly to you, Jesus coming, or even going into the Word to experience it.  Neville Johnson also speaks about this some in His teachings.  Both are similar enough in that you get into that quiet place where you are in His presence, and then just focus upon the Word and stay there.  Keep reading, speaking, thinking.  Preferably until something happens.

I don’t do enough of that.

Since I don’t get as much time along and quiet, I tend to try for the other thing, waiting on God.  I’m actually going to sort of take this 3 ways here…

  1. Watching with you eyes, from Praying Medic – From his books ( focused more upon seeing in the Spirit ), he starts with getting in the dark, praising the Lord quietly, and just watching.  Basically try to keep a blank “visual” image and see what shows up.  Keep practicing this to start seeing with your Spiritual eyes.
  2. Visualization.  Neville talks more about visualize.  So in this case, you focus upon the Lord.  Again, very similar to above, first spend time in prayer, praise and worship.  Clear everything else out, find that place of feeling God’s presence, and then just sit and soak.  Picture Jesus in your mind, and stay there.  If need be, speak in tongues quietly or have some music(without words) in the background.  Try to keep your mind clear but focus upon the Lord.  Something I’ll just very quietly praise Jesus or even just say His name to stay focused.
  3. Stillness.  This is Sadhu.  He doesn’t talk about visualizing ( though he doesn’t say anything against that).  Basically he’s big things are desiring the Lord and staying very still and quiet.  This is perhaps the hardest as your mind will just go and go.   I think that’s the case in all of these.  There was one series where he discussed when he first started doing this.  He would come into complete stillness ( no other thoughts, just complete quiet in his mind ) as long as he could.  After a while he got up to going 30 minutes at a time, then suddenly the Lord spoke to him audibly.  If you want to know this, I can probably track down the right one, I know I’ve mentioned it before.


In any of the cases, the really big things I’d say are:

  1. Desire – You must come in love for the Lord and yearning for Him.
  2. Expectation – Expect Him to show up, it makes it more real.
  3. Stillness – Try to stop any thought of yours.  It will be hard and takes practice, but that’s what practice is for.  This is something you have to train yourself, but if you can’t be still, you’ll have trouble hearing.


In my cases, I think I tend to try to just visualize the Lord and stay quiet ( sort of a combination ).  What I haven’t done is continue to do this day after day and make sure I start building up that endurance to stay there.  Like with so many of these things, I do it for a while, then fall off and I’m not as earnest.

Hope this helps.

Be an Enoch not a Noah

Sadhu talked about walking with God ( I think it was this message  ) and contrasted Enoch and Noah as two where the Bible says they “walked with God”.  Noah was righteous/blameless.  The impression I got is that he walked righteousless, without sin ( not fully without, but just lived really well ).  I’m reminded of the verse, “blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.  Book of Enoch even spoke of Noah as this special child.  Enoch it just says walked closely with the Lord.  Sadhu said much more, and I’m blending together things I’ve heard.  Part of it is from Rick Joyner’s book The Path, where he met Enoch or Elijah, I think another part was actually a webinar with Paul Keith Davis related to this.  At one point he spoke with Elijah asking about Enoch, and he was told that Enoch was just so full of love, that’s what made him so special.

Ok, back to the store.  What I’ve found is when I sin, I try to cut myself off because I feel unworthy.  I’ll hold God at a distance until I feel I’ve proved myself and then move back.  Strangely, sometimes after a sin ( and of course this is what started this whole thing ), it’s like God feels even closer.  After I’ve repented of course.  So this last time we have this sort of conversation(in my head where I’m unsure exactly what parts are my soul, my spirit, or His spirit ) about this.  How can I reconcile that we have a relationship of Holiness with God, and this thought that when I sin, I shouldn’t feel like God pushes me away.  In fact, I should stay close.  The prophet the other day was reminded me that my relationship with God was built around who I am ( his child ) and less about what I’ve done.  Don’t let that stop me from working with Him.  So we’re going back and forth and I’m trying to reconcile, and what I hear is “Be an Enoch and not a Noah”.

Let me preface, this was for me.  This doesn’t mean it’s for everyone, but it has concepts that I believe apply or I wouldn’t put it up here.  What this meant to me, is to build that relationship with God, and mainly to love Him, and let that be my basis for walking closely to God.  It’s who I’m with, not how well I do.  Yes, I often fall into sin, but I shouldn’t let that push me down.  Say I’m sorry, and then step right back close with the Lord.  Of course, this is hard for me to think is ok.  And I find myself at that funny place where I pretty much tell God “this doesn’t fit with my theology”. I made this comment making the point like Kenneth Hagin did in his book, that his theology wasn’t God’s.  The answer was “maybe your theology needs to be changed”.  This is a grace in God.  We know this, but we don’t always walk in it.

Now if you start sinning and decide it’s ok and you’re not repentant, that’s a different story.  I think that will start cutting your off quickly; however,  if you don’t understand or you’re trying and have trouble, God works with that.  David was a man after God’s heart but did a couple big sins.  Because of that relationship, God sort of overlooked it.  Don’t get me wrong, David got to reap what he sowed, but he could have been punished much more, but God honored their relationship, and even blessed him in the end.

So, be an enoch. Be a person who loves God so much that you just try to walk with god, have that relationship and take that presence with you always.  When you sin, say you’re sorry and repent, but don’t let it stop that closeness.  In fact, marvel in the grace that God still draws you near.  That’s worth more than anything else.

I feel as I try to get closer to God, that I can’t make myself holy, I just can’t.  But if I build that relationship and draw close to Him, He loves it.  He loves when you’re hungry for Him, when you want to be with Him and talk and spend time.  When you build that up, it’s like favor from God.  Think about a close friend or your spouse, you just do things for them.  They don’t need to earn it, they deserve it for being your friend/spouse.  Become a lover of God, make him your beloved(Song of Solomon), and He’ll just do stuff for you.  I think He’ll just show up one day and go “hmm, it’s time to be free of this”, and remove that desire or show you the way and just wipe it out.  Because He wants you to be better.  Not because you half to, or the law says, and that’s where we get off.  We try to do it ourselves.  Instead, just love God more.  That will lead to holiness.

I hope I don’t sound too much like a broken record.

What’s the saying that we’ve said so much… oh year, “Christianity is a relationship, not a religion”.  I used to say that so much myself.  That’s what makes us different.

So tell me, when’s the last time you heard the Lord speak to you?   When’s the last time you saw God?  And I don’t mean God spoke to me through a fortune cookie that made me think of some verse that helps me keep my head up during a tough time.  Not that it doesn’t happen, but really.  Who in their right mind would tell me that they have a relationship from their wife when all they say are little signs showing that she’s alive and maybe set a couple things out for them.  That’s just silly.

Yet we’re ok with that from God.  Where did we go wrong?  Well, right at the beginning.  I believe that when you’re saved, “poof” clean slate.  Now I’m not saying Jesus just appears to you then, you need to grow, but I suspect God speaks, and you hear.  You may treat it as your concious, as the Holy Spirit, or even silly thoughts in your head, but it happens.  What happens next?  We have a better idea, that’s what happens.  We know better, we don’t want to do something, we don’t feel like it, etc.  Any and every excuse.  Oh we got saved, but we didn’t hand it all over.  And with that refusal to hear, comes deafness, and we’re off.

The worst part is, we don’t realize it.  We don’t realize that we’ve silenced the God of the universe.  Instead we’re willing to tell ourselves that this is normal.  I read a book one time where this guy said that to know God’s will, he looks at the Bible, he prays, he asks others, and watches for doors to open ( something like that ).  When he puts it all together, he sees the general direction it’s all pointing and that’s which way he goes.  Really?  The best the God of the Universe can do is give us a head-nod in the right way.

How did this happen.  That we get so lost from the voice of our beloved, and then decide that it’s what happens.  I think it’s a combination of selfishness, guilt, and some other stuff.  First we want our way, then we don’t want to admit that maybe we’ve done it, so it’s easier to just accept that’s how it is.  Why fight for something if maybe it wasn’t for you.  Why pray for healing for others, maybe God doesn’t want to heal them.  Good excuse, and gets us out of a lot of answered questions.

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me – John 10:27

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God – Matthew 5:8

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also. In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you. He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.” Judas (not Iscariot) said to Him, “Lord, what then has happened that You are going to disclose Yourself to us and not to the world?” 23Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our abode with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine, but the Father’s who sent Me. – John 14:18-24

We can hear God.  We can know God.

I remember Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj preaching about getting your eyes opened to see into the spiritual realm.  Then he made this comment that stuck with me.  “This is kindergarten christianity”.  This level that so few people get to, to actually see the Lord and hear Him speak, is just the entry level.

Can’t decide if that makes me extemely sad, or very motivated.  A little of both.

Don’t settle.


I was never taught holiness growing up.  I was taught about doing the right things, about the commandments, about being good, but not holiness.  I’ve always known that we should be good, do the right thing, because that’s what God wants us to do.  I think I knew in some way that the better I was, the more pleased He would be, but we’ve been brought up with so much grace, it’s hard to really know what to believe.  It’s more like we’re shooting for a cutoff.  Somewhere good enough that we know we’re saved because God’s working in our lives to keep us good, but not so good that we have to give up too much, or try to hard.  Far be it that we inconvenience ourselves for God.

So, let’s just say I start looking into holiness more, we can probably think Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj for that.  And one day I went searching for scriptures and found this one.

Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. – 2 Corinthians 7:1

Interesting.  So having “these promises”, we need to be holy.  That intrigued me more, maybe I found something very valuable here, so I go back and read the section before.

Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among themAnd I will be their God, and they shall be My people“Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord.  “And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you.  “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” says the Lord Almighty. – 2 Corinthians 6:16-18

Now, at this point, I feel like I need to be honest.  When I read that, it just went over my head.  I remember thinking, what do these have to do with holiness, what is this, and why is it worth it.  Not exactly sure why it didn’t sink in much, in fact, I nearly moved on, but decided to add it to my list.  My list of passages to meditate on.  I keep a list.  Things I want to memorize and just go over and over, and somehow I knew this was on.

So I memorized it, meditated on it a little bit.  Seemed good, still not a big revelation, until recently.  When I go back over it and make sure I have it memorized and I really begin to think here.

Firstly, I love the thought of God saying that I will be part of His people.  That He will dwell in us, and walk along side us.  What a promise! And it even gets better.  Not only that, but He goes on to say He will be a Father to us, and we will be sons and daughters to Him.  Think about this.  He will be a father.  Tell me, what child does not know his father.  What kind of child doesn’t live with his father, know his voice, see him often.  I can think of two types, an orphan or a bastard.  Either we were born and were lost, or we were born out of wedlock.  I really don’t have a spiritual analogy here for each, other than to say that I remember Jesus saying He would not leave us as orphans.

So let’s be honest with ourselves here.  It’s about time we actually believe the Bible.  If the word says we will be God’s people, He will dwell in us, walk with us, be our Father; don’t you think we would actually know Him.  We’re back to my age-old issue here with much of christianity right now.  We don’t know God.  We “spiritually” know Him, as in, we have faith in the Word, but we don’t live that.  We don’t talk with Him, see Him, move in His presence.  Instead, we guess, we hope, we blindly wander about trying to do His will.  If we’re honest, the life we live is not what He promised.

So what was the promise in 2 Corinthian 6, that if we come out from their midst and don’t touch what is unclean, then we will be His children.  Sounds to me like God wants us to be holy.  If that wasn’t clear enough, Paul finished it up.  “Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”   So the natural result of these promises is to cleanse ourselves and be holy.

What does this mean?  That the basis of our relationship with God is holiness.  That’s it.

If we want to hear his voice, we better practice holiness.  If we want to walk in His courts, holiness.  If you want to see God(blessed are the pure in heart), holiness.

Be holy, for I am holy. – 1 Peter 1:16

If it couldn’t be done, why would Paul tell us to perfect holiness, instead of saying to try and be as holy as we can. It is possible. And it is necessary.  Something that popped into my head while I was praying today is below.  These three attributes being the basis for practicing holiness.  I have no scripture basis for this part, so take it with a grain of salt.

Holiness = HOnesty + humiLIty + brokeNESS

So holiness….

Who’s in?

This stemmed from a conversation I was having with the Lord.  Let me jump off track for just a second and say that I’m so jealous of those people who can say things like “The Lord told me this, and I respond ‘such and such’ and He came back and said ‘this or that'”.  I am jealous that they know the Lord’s voice so well that it’s not a question of if they heard, but if they follow.  Most Christians I know don’t know the Lord’s voice.  They hear something that sounds like their Conscious, or the Holy Spirit, or often a legalistic spirit telling them to do things.  They don’t have that closeness to identify His voice either.

I say all this to

  1. Let you know that I really want this and feel like it’s so very necessary
  2. Make sure you take my comments with a grain of salt

So it starts with the conversation.  I’ve continued to try and get up early to get more time with the Lord.  Nothing like Sadhu, but early enough I technically don’t get enough sleep. I  pull it off for a day or two then my body sort of crashes ( I’ve made it like 4 or 5 days maybe ).  End up late to work, etc.  I spend some of the time Waiting on the Lord, but I’m not refreshed and renewed.  So I was asking the Lord about it.  I told Him that I sort of feel like until I’m actually successful waiting, until I’m making that connection consistently, then I probably can’t receive the benefits.  But then I got smart and asked Him what is my problem here.  Why I seem a bit stuck.  Then I waited and focused on Him.

And I got an answer.  It’s funny, I could put words to some of it because my mind was doing one of it’s “I forget English” things, but I got the feeling/impression behind it.  Basically it’s like so much else, I can’t be entrusted with too much until I show consistency.  And it’s not a “I must be up at this exact time of day consistency”, but more like “I will put time aside for the Lord consistency”.  Every day I need to make the time, force it if need be, to pray, read, worship and wait.  That’s pretty much the basics I know.  I read Sadhu’s book “The Spirit Controlled Life”.  It has a lot of very interesting stories and nuggets of truth, but when you come down to the way to grow in the Spirit, it falls back to these same basic principles.  The same things we’ve know for much of our christian lives we just don’t hold them that close.

I will do them well for a while, then get busy, sleepy, etc, and miss my quiet time in the morning.  Then is where I think one of my current problems comes in.  Is walking with God more important than the rest of my life.  Will I step aside from my work to spend a little time in prayer.  Will I interrupt family time for my God time.  What happens now is I have good motives, that are just not good enough.  I will work hard, or care for my family, and come back to God when I have a chance.  It makes sense at the time, until you look back.

So I felt the Lord was telling me, be consistent in the basics.  When your consistent there, I can open up more to you.

So since I’m on this kick of not moving back, not stalling, I need to make this work, to make this happen. I need the Lord.

Speaking of which, it’s late, better get to bed cause I plan on getting up early tomorrow.

I’ve been building up to this.  The discontentment and has continued to grow.  I typically go in waves, but each wave I’m more convinced it’s there, and more discontent with where I’m at.  I think the message I spoke of in my last post finally pushed me over.

When it comes down to it, I don’t know any other way than to give it all.  The core of this all is that message by Sadhu about seeking God, about never being content.  It started actually with the Ephesian prayers from Kenneth Hagin, and moved on to seeking God for more.  As Sadhu says, “Earnestly praying”.  Taking every free moment, and rather than relaxing, rather than thinking of other things, stepping aside to cry out to God, to find a quiet place and ask, seek, knock.  To seek for God’s gifts until you find them.  It really ties in directly with Neville’s teaching, that the three core things are “hunger, determination, single-mindedness”.

I hope I can articulate this in a way you’ll understand.  I see what these people walk in, and realize that I could do that too.  If I have the time that is, I can do that.  It’s not that they are special people ( though they are definitely fore-runners), but that they were willing to endure, to pay the price, to seek for things others wouldn’t.  I see that I cannot continue to do this Christian life in the pretend manner our churches often do it.  We say these words, but we walk by our knowledge, by our wisdom, not by God’s hand.  More and more I understand the verse that certain people was “having a form of godliness but denying its power.”  I see my life and the life of those who really walk with God and realize there’s no other way to go.  In fact, I believe this is the only sure way of protection in the days coming soon.

So where does that leave me?  That when I have a spare moment, rather than looking to digg and reddit because I’m bored, I stop and cry out to the Lord to open my eye.  Rather than pulling up facebook to see whats going on, I get quiet and and listen for the Lord.  Rather than sitting every night to watch TV, I first come to the Lord.  He must be first in all my time.

By His grace(cause that’s the only way this could happen), I’ve been very narrowly overcoming some of my worst habitual sins.  It sort of just started happening and I went with it.  I knew it was God’s grace that even enabled it, so I knew I could keep it up as long as I trusted Him.  This has led me for once walking in a “manner” of holiness.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked as the rest of us.  I am full of corruption and sin, yet I am actually moving forward. The Lord has brought one thing, then another, and I’ve begun to walk in them.

How?  Because of my goal.  I know that to walk with Him I must be holy.  To walk with Him I must put that one desire, that one goal above all else.  I am crucifying my flesh, so that my spirit can live.  When I have a good opportunity, I fast a meal or two and pray.  I am dedicated to waking at a given time each morning (no matter the fatigue) because I must have that time with God.  I must meditate on the word, wait on Him, intercede for others, pray in the spirit, and worship(wrong order, but you get the picture).

It’s taxing emotionally.  Cause when I cry to the Lord, I really almost cry(sometimes I do) because I put my heart into it.  What’s the point if I don’t mean it?  I cry that I know I can’t live like this anymore, I must “know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and the surpassing greatness of His power toward those who believe.”  How can I be a witness to what I have only experienced through “faith”.  How can I really describe the goodness of a God I haven’t seen?

I would love to just take off and spend days in prayer ( I probably need some of this ), but I have a job, a family, and child that I can’t just leave.  If it wasn’t for the family to support, I’d be very tempted on the job.  I have friends that I encourage and stand with, that is important as well, small group, bible study, etc.  I feel that what I must do is to be even more faithful there while giving more and more to Him.  I expect it will slowly impact more and more of everything else as I focus more upon the Lord, but what price can you put on seeing the Lord, praying with Him, etc.  What price is there to knowing your family?

I have no idea how to sustain this.  I can only hope that God’s grace will continue to flow if I am faithful.  I do find that I can turn almost any situation back around to something like peace now.  I was very frustrated (reasons aren’t important) about something while out with family, as I’m driving home I’m stewing ( silently to my credit ) and being bitter, up to the point I come back to this.  That my one goal is to be with the Lord.  At this point I let it all god, let the bitterness and frustration seep out, and replace them with my deep desire to see God.  Suddenly I’m focused again, ready to go.

Hunger – It’s my main goal, that will preempt anything as necessary to seek the Lord
Determination – I will not give up, I will persist until I am through
Single-Mindedness – My every action now is centered around this.  I am patient with my family because that is what Jesus is like.  I am crucifying my flesh, because I know it is in the way.  I give up on my grudges, because they are no longer worth the energy.

Wow, that was a dump, but it’s refreshing to let it out.

I believe I’ve posted something similar to this before from another message but I need to put this in, because I’ll do a 2nd post that very directly relates to this, but I want to split them up.

I listened to Sadhu talk in “The Mysteries of the Kingdom” conference that just happened up in spokane a couple months back.  HIs very first message he went into a sort of history of his, very fascinating.  How God called Him to salvation, his father especially turned against Him very severely, so he would actually sneak out to the church.  He began in a church with pretty incorrect doctrines, so that had him confused.  He next went to a church that was very charismatic, which was such a drastic change he had trouble accepting that.  He heard about the baptism of the spirit but didn’t know what to believe.  So being himself, the dogged I am going to figure this out, he started reading the gospel(and I assume some of new testament) over and over until he finally was fully convinced in the baptism of the spirit, at which point he began to pray earnestly for that.  Keep in mind that last phrase, “pray earnestly”.  And it came and he described that experience.

Somewhere in this period, God called him to the ministry.

After this he began to desire something deeper, and ran across the Kenneth Hagin book where he talked about praying the Ephesians prayers about the eyes of our understanding.  He picked that up and began to pray that.  As best I can tell, this period took him over 6 months, I know that’s not important, it will obviously change, but interesting to note for him.  Anyway, he began to pray earnestly, when he had a chance, he would step aside and pray those prayers.  He would push and push.  At some point he was given a word that it would come after XXX days.  He kept praying until he got the breakthrough and he was shown a vision of Jesus on the cross that lasted for about 20 minutes.  From this point on he says his Spritiual Eyes were opened.  I don’t exactly know what all that means, but there it is.

I don’t know exact timeframe, but from another message, I know he began waiting on God, I think it might have been before this.  When he was able to wait perfectly still for like 30 minutes or so, Jesus talked to him.  He knew it was Jesus because of the sound of his voice, like many waters, with music, etc.  Same as John described in Revelation.  He told him about his ministry.

After His eyes were opened, he wanted more.   He wasn’t content, so next he wanted more. I think there was one stage in between, but then he wanted to see Jesus.  So he kept earnestly praying, fasting, believing.  Then one day Jesus walked in and prayed with Him.  From that point on he says he sees Jesus.  Again, that was not enough, so he prayed to walk in the heavenlies.  That came.  Then he prayed for something(he didn’t elaborate), went through a period of focused prayer, and began to see saints in heaven, and to have them come and talk with him, teaching him about the word.

At each point, he reached for more.  He was continue to strive, to pray earnestly and often, to fast, to seek, knock and ask for something else.  There’s always another level.

This is what we don’t do.  It’s not important to us, partially because we don’t know it’s available, partially because we’re content with what we have.  If we wanted more, I believe God will send something our way that shows us a glimpse of it. That’s how Sadhu worked.  Early on different people would come through and show how there was more.  People, books, etc.

From Sadhu’s Open Heavens message:

Steps to preparing for an open heaven.  His numbering got a little off in the middle so I may be splitting/combining some.

1. Get rid of pride

2. Humble like a child

3. Holiness

4. Develop our spiritual senses

5. Eyes of our understanding

Overall – Pray.

If you think about it, a lot of these things overlap.  Being humble as a child gets rid of pride, praying also helps our pride and develops our senses.  Being humble means we fear God and leads to holiness.  They overlap, and yet they are still multiple sides to our relationship.

In my personal life right now I’m in a battle for holiness. 

I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. – Rev 3:18

I’ve wondered often what the cost is to buy eye salve, so that I may see.  I don’t know that I have an actual revelation here, but I wonder if the cost is holiness itself.  Think to the sermon on the mount, “blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”.  I know in this journey I may not have seemed to make it far, yet I have seen holiness.  Not so much in me, but the hope of it.  The purifying of areas in my life.  The setting aside of my will for Him.  The cleaning out of filth to make room for His word, and His plans.  There is always far to go, but I feel like over the last 2-3 years that my heart has changed.  I remember a time when I thought about giving all up for Him and it was terrifying.  Now I almost hope for it.  To “know the hope of His calling” seems better than all my riches.

So I wonder, as holiness is perfected in me, that God perhaps may come more clear.  So as I said, right now I’m in a fight.  I have set aside one of my biggest areas of failure.  One of those things that’s not a sin in itself, but leads easily to sin.  And it has been a struggle.  It’s like a drug addict having withdrawals.  I’m not sure why but so far God has given me grace to hold up under it.  I just need to pour all my focus, all my hopes into Him.  Perhaps then I can continue to stand and come out the other side.

It is worth it, the pearl of great price.  Whatever the cost, whatever must be done, if it means me finding my beloved and being close to Him, it is worth it.  So I try to lay aside my life.  

Sorry for going quiet a while.  There’s been a number of things going on and I’m not even sure what all to say has happened.  I’ve been very busy with work for a little bit.  I also had a week or so of going off track, losing my focus.  Then I started to listen to something completely new, but it’s long.  Family stuff going on as well I’m sure.  Basically it’s been a little crazy all around.

But I’m still here.  And I still want to see my Lord. I’ll give an update like I did before.


Been having a better consistency the last 2 weeks or so.  I think I’ve just been trying to much in the morning.  As much as I feel like Sadhu’s teachings are right, I can’t seem to find the strangth from waiting on the Lord, so when I get up too early, it leads me to sleeping in too long and losing the energy.  So the last week I pushed back the time.  It’s not giving me as much time in the morning, but if I can make it consistent, then I’ll push ahead.

Waiting upon the Lord

This is a tough one.  Some days I feel like there’s nothing.  Other days I seem to hit a point of not thinking, but that could also be called sleep. =)  I’ll have occasional times like this morning where I have very faint things happen.  I start to see things with my imagination.  Very fuzzy, very unclear.  When I try to focus I lose it.  And this morning I also heard wings beating.  It made me think of Sadhu when he had the first experience of soaring like an eagle.  I had not been thinking that at all recently, so I don’t think I just came up with that.  I haven’t been able to take as much time in the morning, I’m averaging 15-20 minutes, and I’d rather do more, but then again, I can’t stay focused past that, so maybe it’s best I just keep working up as possible.


Strange thing is I’ve felt off lately. I don’t feel His presence as much.  I believe I’m still on a good track and doing a lot of good things, but I think it comes to keeping my heart in the right place during the day.  I have focused much more on praying in tongues and meditating on His word.  I was given a new person to listen to, Peter Tan.  He spoke about how he started spending 6-8 hours a day meditating on God’s word ( actually speaking it aloud while reading ), and it brought him to a new level in this walk.  This person who led me to this also spoke about how many of those guys have found that after a period like this of praying in tongues, they went to a different level.  So I’ve been spending more time meditating and praying in tongues.  My thought was to spend as much of my time as possible(while working, driving, doing chores, etc) speaking in tongues, and any time I get free to meditate on certain scriptures.  I’ll talk more about this later.  So far nothing big, but I will always hope.  That’s what I do.

Hearing the Lord

Nothing big here.  I have had little bits from prayer times or other times of normal revelation, but nothing on a new level yet.

Waiting to renew your strength

Already spoke about this.  I still am getting up early, probably averaging about 5-5.5 hours of sleep.  Normally I would need 6.


Continuing to do better.  I feel more like I’m willing to give things up.  Stuff that at first scared me now seems like things I can do.  I still have too much I want, too much I give in to, but progress is the name of my game.


Progress and not progress.  I had a period where I feel back into one of my more habitual sins.  Short period, but still, very frustrating.  Since then I’m renewed some commitments with the Lord, and I repeat them to myself every morning.  I hope to start each morning in humility before the Lord, renewing these vows, constantly reminding myself I can’t do it.  The biggest danger for me is when I get caught up in something else and it drives itself between me and God.  Work, books, shows, etc.  Anything that will keep me from spending my spare time focused upon the Lord will get me off and leave me open to stupid.

My beloved

I guess I should just call this my love for Jesus.  I listened to a series from Sadhu about loving Jesus.  That helped.  He had a section about just declaring your love, saying the names of God, stuff that we know, but somehow it hit me deep.  Also, I’m trying to contemplate on the cross more.  To see the love He had for us to walk that path.  I haven’t felt as much love as I have in the past, but it’s strong than it was a year ago.

Not much else to say.  I keep hoping I have something big to talk about.  I guess I did have a dream I should go into.  Maybe I’ll post that soon.  It was a weird dream, I believe it to be from the Lord, but it also had a lot of marks of my consciousness in it.  Not a dream like an angel coming to talk to me, but still something that drew me closer to Jesus, and that’s very unusual for me.