When you search for Me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

Sometimes the scriptures make things clear.  If I’m not finding God, then this might just be the problem.  God told Israel they would find Him if they searched with all their heart.

I’d like to say I do, but I know I don’t.  I will do it for a couple hours, maybe even a day or two, but so quickly my flesh sneaks in.  Whether I decide to sleep in and skip my time with the Lord because I’m feeling tired, or whether I would rather watch TV with my wife than look into those scriptures I wanted.  Sometimes it’s sin, but more often its just some of my heart.  You see, there’s so many things that aren’t bad, yet if you’re saying “with all my heart”, then it means with all your heart.  I’ll take care of my family, I’ll make sure I get the rest I need, but my first desire, my first choice must be the Lord.  If I can do those things knowing I am putting God first, then it’s fine, but if I put him aside for them, it’s not.

In the last couple years I’ve made what seems like big strides, though in eternity, it’s probably pretty small.  Yet I’m still short of this.  Probably way short.  How do you measure all your heart.  I guess with your time, your money, your dreams.

My contentment with the world continues to fall.  I am not happy even after two days of just spending time with my family and enjoying “life”.  I find myself yearning and longing for much more, because I know it’s there.

I think perhaps my deepest fear is to come to the end of my life and realize that God had set a table before me, but I was content with the crumbs.  Sometimes I even think of the scripture where God met those who had ministered in His name and said “I never knew you”.  My baptist doctrines tell me that would never happen, but can I really say God knows me.  Cause I’ve never met Him face to face.  We’ve never talked on the phone.  I’ve heard whispers and fleeting glimpses.  How can I say I’m a friend of God, when I don’t know His voice or face.